


I Like You in Secret

by rainysunset



Category: Day6 (Band), JYP NATION - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Dance, Alternate Universe - Music, Art School, Developing Relationship, F/M, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-11-21 08:17:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 44,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18139715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainysunset/pseuds/rainysunset
Summary: How many of you will do everything you can to get to be with someone you like in secret? How many of you fight for those feeling? How many of you end up happily?Kim Reyna is not one of you. She never confess her feelings, never fight for it, never do everything she can to get to be with Jae. She always in wait-and-see mode.Jae on the other hand, is always feel insecure to be with her. He want Reyna but always unsure to get there, and doesn't want to get away from her either. Unconsciously giving her false hope.They're both naive and stupid in their friends' eyes.





	1. Chapter 1

 

Is this that magic people talking about? The zing? The once in a lifetime thing? Because if it's not, then I don't know what it is.

I freeze.

The music is loud from the band performing on stage, the people's cheering sounds louder around me, and the lights blink fast in different colors matching the beat of drum that slowly reach its climacs.

"Freshman year! JUMP!" that man on stage shouts and everyone in the crowd jumping up their feet from where they stood following the sound of synthesizer, hands in the air, screaming happily.

Except me.

Because I still in this magical feeling I can't explain. No, it's neither because of the music nor the hype of the crowd. Or the fact that we, the freshman year, finally can living in peace after this night. No more major seniority act after this night, we finally can living a campus life with ease.

Back to the magical feeling I felt right now, I think it's because of him.

I didn't pay much attention before, but when the song suddenly change to more up beat, that's when I noticed him. Right there on stage, smiling so genuine, like what he's doing right now is the rightest thing to do for him. Like he really appreciating this moment of him on stage, doing music with honesty, sincerity. Living his life like there's no tomorrow, giving all his best to this performance, to the music. He clearly is not playing around, and it's shown in his eyes, and smile, and voice, and hands that playing guitar, and feet that jumping up along with the crowd. Freely.

Just like the song they sing right now, freely.

I'm hypnotized by this magical feeling until the song ends and people scream out of their lungs for the band, and for the freedom of this seniority week. Yes, it's been a hard week for us, but it will be no more. The song fits perfectly to this moment, that's why everyone is going nuts, still screaming. I see some seniors feeling the hype too, right there in one corner of this school stadium.

"You don't like the music?" Suzy asked beside me.

That magical feeling is gone right when I come back to this current state. The music is calmer now, still from the same band.

"I like it, why you think like that?" I give her a smile, because I already make a promise to myself that I will follow this band everywhere in the future.

"Because you're not jumping like us."

"I... just..." Okay, how should I explain this to her?

"Star struck?" She give me a meaningful smile. "I heard rumour, you know? That they are really good. Seems true."

I take a glance at the band on stage, they're covering a well-knwon song that I can't remember the title right now. And the guitarist still give me that kind of magical feeling under the blue light that spotted him.

"Aren't they a freshman too?"

"Yes, but they're famous already since high school." She turn on her phone to check on something. "They've been playing in many school's festivals, be a guest to many school events, even auditioned in some agencies."

"How can you know that information already?" I'm amazed at her intellegent's skill of getting information.

"Oh please, Kim Reyna. We live in digital era right now, all I have to do is type the band name and voila!" She's moving her hand to the left and right, still got that exciting adrenaline from the performance. "The band name is DAY6, by the way." She's now focusing on stage, "So who's catching your eyes?"

Me too, looking at the stage. To one particular person, actually. His smile is gone now because his too immersed with his guitar playing, he close his eyes but his fingers dancing precisely between the strings. He feeling every touch of it, another way to appreciating his own music.

"The guitarist, of course." Suzy said softly and I smile to her, feeling embarassed.

"Isn't he cool?"

"Everyone's cool. I like the bassist more." She grins. "His name is Park Jaehyung, by the way. The guitarist." She whisper to my ear.

"How do you know?!"

"Sis, please. Don't ask that question again."

"Okay, spoil me all about them then."

She smiles and doing it so willingly. "The drummer is Yoon Dowoon aka the cutest baby, the one behind a laptop is Kim Wonpil the synthesizer aka the sentimental guy but apparently aiming for the cutest place recently to replace Dowoon, who want to look more mature because he kind of tired to be called baby everytime. The bassist, my favorite, is Kang Younghyun aka Brian aka the brain of the band. He wrote almost all of their original songs, and those songs are bob."

I still can't believe how she got that so detail information about them, actually. We just moved to Seoul for like a month, when is she got the time to doing the research if in that time she almost always spent it with me? Is that really can be done just by typing it on the search engine?

She mentioned about them being popular since their high school days earlier, but why I never heard about them before? They never played in our school either. But our school is not in Seoul, is that why?

"The leader is Park Sungjin, the no-hair-guy. He becomes sexier these days after he went bald, I mean look at the lines in his eyebrow." She stop talking for awhile to appreciates Sungjin's presence on stage.

I scanning him too, who is singing so wholeheartedly that I can feel so much from him. I can see his veins on his neck when he hit the high note and yes, it kind of sexy when he successfully snailed it then smirk at it.

"And your man in a movie, Rey. Park Jaehyung the memes one."

I turn my head to her, "Memes?"

She laugh, "Yes, that's what I heard. You can check out his twitter account, he's such a meme and hilarious. But also a deep thinker." She looks confused, "The weirdest? But you know, there's always perks of being a weirdo. I think you just found one of that perk."

Now I scanning him, Park Jaehyung. The weirdest? The so cool guitarist right there is the weirdest?

"He doesn't look like a weird guy."

"Yeah, I don't feel it too. He has a popular kid aura, don't you think?"

"Yes, he must be always surrounded with people."

She nodding her head, agreeing my statement. "They're in our faculty, by the way. Let's pray we have a class together with them."

I laugh a little to myself, but say 'Amen' inside my heart before back to appreciating the band, the music, the crowd, this moment. And once again, I'm drawning in that magical feeling when I focusing my sight to him, to Park Jaehyung the guitarist. When he smile at the end of the show, it's like he can light up my heart, if not the world. The most genuine smile I've ever seen in my life. And that zing thing again, happening to me because of his every moves there on stage. When he speak to ending their time given on stage, when he laugh a little, when he clear the stage from the cables of his guitar, until he finally walking down the stage and disappear to the back. I never thought I'll be experiencing this magical thing in the middle of the crowd like this.

But I'm the type of person who always think that I can't just liking someone at the first sight, just like I can't hating someone at the first sight. There must be a chatting one or two times before I can decides if I like that someone or not, there must be a reason, an interaction first to start it all. So the thing that just happened to me, doesn't mean I already like him that way. It just like a curiousity to know him? To learn about him? To find an excuse to having a chat or two with him? So that I can decide if that curiousity really can lead to an attraction. There's not a thing like falling at the first sight to me, there must be a process.

To that process, I really hope I will have it with him.

Dear God, give me that process with him, collide our universe once. Amen.

 

-

 

Arts & Performance faculty of D University can be considered as one of the best faculty in the industry of arts. It has a couple of alumni that become big in entertainment industry such as broadcasting, acting, presenting, comedy, anchor, singing, dancing, even idol. Every students here searching for the same goal: to express and to be heard, not to be popular. If we get popular because people heard our hearts or got impress by our expressions, then it's a bonus. A concept of artist that often got twisted by an intelectual people. We just like doing things that we love. Why wasting our times doing something that prisoning our creativity? That kind of mindset. And that's what keep us moving excitingly towards our  vague future. We all aware too, that it's the most vague career path, and every one of us has different ways to deal with that. Me? Guess I just let it become tomorrow worries. Means, I don't want to think about it with such seriousness, I just want to live my life doing what I want to do. To feel my heart beats in adrenaline of excitement when I do things I love.

Which is dancing.

I love dancing since in middle school. Thank God my parents are both doing art too, so I don't need to argue trying to ensure them with this career path, because they understand it completely. I always feel bad for those who ended up gave up on their dreams because their parents are against it, feeling more anxious than their children themselves. Which is so unfortunate in my opinion. I personally think that parents should believe in their children who successfully found something they want to focus on. Because by the time we sure about what we want to do with our life, it means we're gonna work so hard for it. Really, like... with our blood, sweat, and tears. We're not gonna give up that easily. Parents should be acknowledge and support that spirit instead of getting anxious about it. They're should believe in their children.

And yes, I really thank God everyday because I have a supportive parents. They're very much support me to take this path, dancing. No matter what I'll become in the future, they promised me that they will be with me always, and be there for whatever happen to me later. They'll be a safety net, in case I fall from this unsteady cliff, they can always be a home for me to return. I really appreciate and grateful for that. Because of them I can face my future in a relax way.

But Art & Performance faculty is not always about dancing. Sure, I choose dancing major but I have to attend an unofficial class too in every semester of my study here. This time I should choose between Music and Acting class, and I really gave so much concern thinking about it. Because I practically know nothing about both of those classes. Suzy, too. We staying up all night to make a decision.

We chose Music finally, reconsider it as a back up plan if we're not lucky with dancing alone in this industry. Maybe we can audition to be an idol after learn it for awhile. Besides, we still can choose acting for the next semester apparantly. It's good to learn acting, it give us deeper knowledge about controling our expression in dancing. We have a class about Facial Expressions separately, but it's good to widen our skill and knowledge. And yes, it can be another option too.

So here we are, waiting vocal class starting.

"Oh my goodness, Rey." Suzy move her elbow until it touch my hand. "What a pleasant fate."

I lift up my head and see the direction she look, to the door, then I see them, what she meant by a pleasant fate. Members of DAY6 walk in the class. They have smile in each of their faces, and when they just walk through the door there's this aura of 'popular kid is coming through'. Because everyone suddenly got silent from whatever chatting they had before, I heard some people gasping too. If I may choose a background music for this scene right now: a Boys Before Flower Ost. I almost hear the 'almost paradise' part from the song.

But they're not showing an attitude like the characters on that drama, no. They rather careless about people's reaction of their entrance. They just keep talking to each other, seems like they're in the middle of teasing each other, laughing to each other. They're in their own world, practically. Not bothering us, who staring amazed at them. Their aura is already a superstar.

"Why it's just four of them?" I whisper to Suzy after they sit a couple row in front of us, diagonally so I can still see the right side of Jae. He sits in the very edge of the table, by the way. If he turn his head to the right and a little to the back, he can spot me.

"Younghyun is in Business major. I just know it, too."

I turn my head to her.

"Unfortunately." I give her an apologetic looks.

And she can't answer it because a professor just walk in the class in hurry and greets us with his loud voice, not melodic at all. No offense, but I really thought the professor will sure have a melodic voice because this is a vocal class. But that's not the case apparantly.

He introduced himself as Park Jinyoung, specialized in founding gems of idol material. He said it himself, he got an eye of producer. He can tell after awhile, which students has potential to hit big someday. And when he does find it, he will make sure that student will go to that destination place all the way.

"Anyone here who never study music before?"

I raise up my hand, so does Suzy, and some other students in this class.

"Okay, we'll start from the very basic then." He smiles.

I take a glance at Jae's seat and get surprise because he also looking at my direction. So we make an eye contact, just for a second I think? And he give a really soft smile to me, so quick that I'm wondering if I really see it or just imagine it. I can't even react to that because of how fast it happened, he already focusing himself to the professor again.

I turn my head to my back to checking who's behind me. Three guys, their attention is completely on professor who now stand behind the podium. So if I saw it right, Jae was looking and smiling at me, wasn't he?

"I don't want any students get lacking behind the others. I hope you, who somehow already understand about this study, can give any help to those who still a stranger to music." Professor Park has a habit of moving his hands here and there in the air while talking. "Are we make a deal?"

"Yes, sir."

And the confusing theories about music notes is starting.

"Is he the same Park Jinyoung for our Gayo Dance class?" Suzy whispering in the middle of his explanation about type of voices human can produce. She tap two times at our schedule card with his pencil makes me read the Professor name in the column tutor of Gayo Dance.

"Maybe?" I whisper back while lifting up my shoulders.

-


	2. Chapter 2

 

Our guess was right. We see the same Park Jinyoung in our Gayo Dance class after lunch that day.

"Did I met you two in the previous class?" Asked the professor in front of this huge practice room.

"Yes, Professor." We both answered him, almost simultaneously.

He smiles, "You're in both of my classes, fighting for that."

I don't quiet understand with that, but the smile on his face is like hiding all of the meaning despite that supportive sentences. And we just reply him with a confused smile. I hope his cheering doesn't mean a bad thing.

But honestly, meeting him in two consecutive classes a day is kind of like headache. The vocal lesson earlier really drain everything out of me, I used like 70% of my brain capacity to remember all those theories about music. And that's a headache. It get better after lunch, but it's starting again right now. But different with vocal class, in this class we don't write notes in our notebook or music sheet, we practice it directly with our body, with our moves.

And lord help me, he even pointing out our waving. He corrected every one of us, and it's only waving. I did waving so many times before, but it's my first time someone saying that I wave in a wrong way. Like really? And it's kind of frustrating because he really go with the details. I mean, every details. He'll pointing out when we miss even a beat, saying we all should moves in really precise timing, in the exact same beat. He'll make us do another round if there's even one person not in unison. And he already get used to our names, how can he? Two and a half hours with him feels like I'm in a detention room.

But everything he said is making so much sense. When he said we should make certain moves bigger, it really does impact in our overall dance. I notice it in the mirror around us. And yes, the waving he taught to us really looks different, too. More impactful. So I forms a smile on my face at the end of the class. We all covered in sweat, but I can see we all smiling. A satisfying smile as if we glad that we found him, or he found us, however it should be.

And he praising Suzy before ending the class. He should be, though. I've known Suzy since middle school, and dancing has been her life since that time. She really is a great dancer, we called her dancing goddess back then in our middle school days, like she's born with it. And that's what Professor Park say about her.

"There's people who born with talent, and there's people who born with endless hard work. Here, this friend, is one of the people who born with talent. Adding hard work, then you'll be fly across the universe."

Suzy smiling so wide saying thank you many times to him, and I smile proudly, it's such a great feeling hearing a friend of mine got praised like that. It makes me want to work even harder to match her pace. Yes, I am the people who born with endless hard work. Working hard is all I can do. And I believe I can do it, I can make it.

"But it doesn't mean the rest of you doesn't have the same opportunity as her. You have, if you want it so badly, and transfer that to working hard, practice even harder, even longer, you definitely can surpass her. So my advice is just one: keep practice. Until you worn out, until you out of breath, until you can't, until you reach your goal, even after you reach it, keep practice. Remember that practice is always a key. Don't get tired of it. Do we have a deal?"

"Yes, sir!"

Surprising, everyone is smiling when answering him, got motivated. Then he end the class and leave us so casually while we staring his leaving in awe.

We sit down with our feet lay straight on the floor, tired. It's tiring, yes. But we still smiling. Because this is what we love to do.

"He's amazing, isn't he?" A guy asked and everyone nodded their head agreeing.

"Dancing goddess, indeed." I elbowing Suzy who laying down beside me and she forms a smile.

"But really, we spent 5 hours with him in a day!" She turn his body to look at me in disbelieve.

"It's a headache honestly."

"Right? My point exactly. My head's already hurt from the vocal class earlier."

Some people starts to leave this practice room one by one or in a group, but we still not feeling to moving from our place.

"But dancing made the headache go away."

"Oh?" She's thinking. "You're right." She moving her head to the left and right. "No headache anymore."

 

We decided to go home after the Gayo Dance but something stop us in the middle of Arts & Performance faculty area. There's some kind of field, with cementary stairs around it that people use to sits. Many people actually, and they're like waiting for something. We curious so we're waiting too, like them.

It's 4.30PM when a bunch of people walk in the center of this field. The first person that enter the scene is a guy holding some kind of old speaker, and he smiling. The people following him behind is smiling too when entering, and then they standing in their position, with their back on us.

"Oh my god, are they going to dance?" I asked Suzy.

"Oh, seems like it!" The dancing goddess beside me is already excited.

The man who brought the speaker earlier now standing facing us with his right fist straight up in the air. The speaker is already placed on the ground.

Then he shouts loud, "ARE YOU READY?!"

Me and Suzy scream without us knowing to answered him, just like all the people here. He press a button from the speaker and the music starts to play, the people behind him starts moving their body softly to the rhythm, teasing us all. And we screaming again, full of anticipating.

Lord, it's a street dance. And they are so good. They moves in a formation at first, dancing simultaneously, in so much unison doing every tiny detail perfectly, and suddenly Professor Park's words flash in my mind. Yes, it's important to moves in unison if you're dancing in a group, because it will obvious if there's even one person miss the beat, it will ruin the formation and the audience will loose the feeling of amazement.

I am amazed right now, because I didn't see even one person missed the beat until the music is suddenly stop, changed by people's screaming excitedly.

Another music starts to play and their circling around the field, making a space in the middle as their main stage. Then one by one, or two, they're dancing there, while the other cheering for them. It's completely a free style right now, and the audience once again screaming their lungs out, hands in the air. The screaming got even intense when one of them start to b-boying. A guy, spining just with his palms on the ground, both of his feet are straight up in the air makes his shirt fall down showing his perfect abs. The crowd growing wild, including me and Suzy.

Another team is up, three identic girls, dancing so classy there, makes us completely forget the b-boying moves before. They're like a princesses dancing so gracefully in the ballroom lurking prince charming to take them for the night. I clap for them, really. They successfully agape my mouth.

Another team is up, 7 guys, idol style. And yes, a popular kpop song is played. Their covering it so perfectly and adding their original moves here and there, showing us their creativity.

The last person up is the guy who brought the speaker and the guy with almost in the same height as him. They dancing so cooly, god. They dressed in black and white and their moves makes me think of yin and yang, I don't know why. Every moves are done so precisely, effortlessly, there's no wasting. Soft, smooth, but sharp. Sometimes in unison, sometimes in opposite direction, here and there, going left and right.

And there's a solo free style where all their squad is screaming their names. First is the black shirt, the chanting of "Lee Junho! Lee Junho! Lee Junho!" is heard around this place. And he did b-boying, lord. He can do b-boy too, what a talented boy. He freeze with one hand on the ground to ending his freestyle time.

Then the man with white shirt enter the scene. He's the one who screaming earlier, who conducted this squad. He too, b-boying in free style, and another chanting is heard, "Jang Wooyoung! Jang Wooyoung! Jang Wooyoung!" God, that pelvis moves showing he's a pro. That perfect waving Professor Park just taught me earlier...

"That waving, though!" Suzy shouts in my ear and I look at her nodding my head, understand what she meant by that. It's so Professor Park.

"His expressions, too!" I told her and just right then, he smirking.

Lord, those smirking. Like he owns the entire universe, judging us who is nothing in front of that skill. Everyone screaming crazily, and the music is stop.

"For the next part, guys. If you have that confident in you..." the guy in white shirt, Jang Wooyoung, is talking in the middle of his panting to the crowd that already going crazy.

"COME UP HERE!" the guy in black shirt, Lee Junho, shouts to completing Wooyoung's words.

Another music starts playing, and some guys from the crowd join them in the main stage they made. The squad earlier is cheering for them, some of them are moving their body with the other. Dancing happily like there's no tomorrow.

After some people going up the main stage and the music change once again to the familiar song for me and Suzy, we both turn our head to looking at each other, with a big smile plaster on our faces. And without much saying we walk in to the main stage and dance. We use this song to performed in our year-end high school's festival last year, so we still remember clearly all the original moves we created.

It feels good, good lord it feels really good. Because of the cheering, the shouting, the screaming, the energy the crowd give to us. The blaring music, and the sun that almost set upon us, everything feels so real. Like this is what life should be. Worry-free. Just dancing it out, your worries, anxiety. Dancing your problems away, let that be tomorrow worries. And smile through it. Enjoy it, appreciate it as much as you can.

That's what we do. It always feels good like this.

-


	3. Chapter 3

 

"So after I examined the last quiz, I will divide this class into two levels. The 'lacking' and the 'supreme', it's written on your quiz paper I just handed to you."

Of course me and Suzy got the 'lacking' level. We eyeing each other and shaking our head in no surprise. Vocal class is way more difficult than I imagined, apparently. It always give me a headache after, and it's only the 3rd meeting, we still have at least 10 meetings again until the final term. And what kind of final term I'm going to face later? God, I don't want to think about it.

"I leveling you all not for make you feeling down, but for knowing better who is who. Who can help who. Now that you know your capability, I hope the 'supreme' can help the 'lacking'."

It's a good idea.

"So partnered up between the 'supreme' and the 'lacking', seat to each other until the end of semester. I noted that this class have more 'supreme' than 'lacking', so the 'lacking' can be partnered with at least one from the 'supreme'. I'll give you five minutes to find your partner." Professor Park nodded his head once and leaving out of this room.

We all looking around, some of students already get up from the seat to find what they're looking for.

I take a glance at Suzy, sighing, and we stand up. Of course the 'lacking' is the one who should find the partner, a good partner to be exact, to help us until the final term. We starts to wonder around and somehow, we walks to DAY6 members seat. Hey, of course they are the must-have partner, right? They are the walking-music-sheets.

But Suzy stopped by someone who call her name, a girl. I acknowledge her name is Baek Ayeon, I know she's a walking-music-sheets too, her voice is good, and she always singing like she live up with it, just like Suzy always dancing like she live up with it. Suzy smiles so wide and bright like she just found the love of her life, a hero to save her life. She knows it too, that Ayeon is a music genius. She said once to me, "Her rendetion is good, touch you in a strange way." when we accidentally saw her singing in one of the music room in this building.

I pout my lips annoyed looking at them and turn my head to the other way, and that's when me and Jae make an eye contact. Again. Yeah, we made eye contact a couple times in this class, never more than that, just an eye contact everytime. Oh, a smile too perhaps, his soft quick smile once or twice, but that's if I really not just imagining it.

Now the eye contact feels longer than usual. We practically looking at each other right now, not turning our head away like how we used to do. We're like waiting for each other to make a first move. But of course, it's me who should make the first move, it's me who needs help, me with this 'lacking' in my paper. So I walk to him, and he waits. Then it appears, that usual soft smile of him. I wasn't imagining it, then.

I showing him my paper when I arrive right in front of him, "Can you? Please?"

His smile get wider, "My pleasure."

I'm smiling too. Oh my god. What did I just do? Am I just partnered up with him?

"I'm Rey, by the way."

"Jae." He shake my hand.

"I know." I smile again.

"I know you, too." He laugh a little. "We're in the same class for like..."

"Three times." I completed his sentences because he thinking too long.

"Yeah, right. So..." He look around the room, and I follow his action, searching for a place to sit.

And I see Suzy waving her hand to me then pointing at an empty table in front of her and Ayeon. She sits with Ayeon and Sungjin, by the way.

Seems like Jae was seeing her waving at me too, because he already walking to the place she pointed at. We're sits, and not long after Dowoon comes to our table, sitting beside Jae on the other edge of our chair.

"You got 'lacking' right?" Ayeon tap Dowoon shoulder makes us three turn our head to the back.

"Of course." Jae is the one who answered Ayeon's question. He holding up his laugh.

Dowoon just shrugs his shoulder. "I only know about the beat, not the notes."

"Really?" Me and Suzy asked in unison.

"Woah, are you guys always do everything in unison, really?" Sungjin asked, failed to hide his amazement.

"What 'everything' you mean by that?"

"We saw you dancing the other day." Said Sungjin with both of his eyes sparkling. He has beautiful eyes that shoot a spark when he's talking.

"You two really moved in sync." Jae jumped in the conversation, but he said it more like to me than Suzy because he just looking at me right now. I don't know, maybe it's because the position of our sitting that makes a little bit hard to look at Suzy's side completely.

"Where... did you see us?" I asked feeling embarassed suddenly. If they saw us dancing in practice room, it's not cool at all, because we must be sweating so much, it's not a nice thing to see.

"At the field, before the sunset." Jae looking me in the eye.

"That was a really pleasant thing to see to end the day." Sungjin lift up the corner of his mouth remembering it.

"Indeed." Dowoon said out of the blue, nodding his head too.

"They must be thinking something dirty." Said Ayeon with so much confident in it, surprisingly. She must be close with these guys to be that fearless to voice out her mind.

"Not dirty, but sexy." Jae corrected it.

"Did you enjoy the show, by the way? It was amazing wasn't it?" Suzy asked with a sudden exciting tone of voice I don't know where it come from.

"Yes, very." Dowoon said again still with a smile plastered in his face.

"It's dirty, confirmed. Girls, they're boys." Ayeon giving me and Suzy a look.

"But you know, that's kind of the purpose of the dance."

"What? To make boys thinking dirty about you?!"

"No Ayeon, it's not blatantly like that." Suzy give me a warning look because of my statement.

"But you always say..."

"No, Kim Reyna." She cuts my words. "It's not blatantly like that. We just doing it to appeal the boys. Not only boys, actually. Girls too, to give them some kind of girl crush." She explained still with this warning sign in her gaze to me once or twice in between her smile to the others. That's kind of funny by the way, how can she do that?

And I don't understand her signal, like always.

"Look at this side! It looks so fun, I want to join them instead of stuck with you!"

I turn my head to see Wonpil whining in the table beside me. A guy is shaking his head beside him.

"We can always join them anytime, bro. But for the next two hours, just focus on me, I need to increase my grade in this class." The guy touch Wonpil's shoulder, tap it two times in order to cheering him up.

"Don't break him, Wang Jackson. He still a precious member of our band." Jae said beside me, closing himself to me to be heard by Jackson. And I think it's too close? I mean, he practically said that in my ear and it makes me feel goosebumps.

"No need to worry. I return him alive and complete after this. His fingers will still nice and healthy." The guy called Jackson grinning playfully while touching Wonpil's fingers.

"Stop touching me, please."

Sungjin laughing, "Now you know how it felt, huh Kim Wonpil? Try your own medicine." Sungjin smiling like he just winning something.

"You guys seems close." Suzy voiced out my curiousity.

"We went to the same high school." Ayeon giving out a fact.

"No wonder."

"One missing though." Ayeon said again.

"Brian."

"Younghyun?" Suzy asked Sungjin, look him in the eye.

"Yeah, Younghyun the brain."

I turn back myself again to the back to keep up with their conversations, not really noticing Jae who is focusing his gaze on me all this time, until I see Ayeon suddenly smiling strangely at me, then to Jae, then back to me. That's when I take a glance at Jae who still staring at me, and grinning when I caught him.

"Okay, everybody's partnered up?" Professor Park come back from wherever he had been earlier.

We answered him in unison, back to look up front to start focusing on his lecture today.

"So it's Reyna?"

I turn my head to Jae, "Yes, Kim Reyna. Rey for short."

"You were indeed sexy that day, Reyna."

"That's another purpose of the dance, to look sexy."

Jae smiling.

"And, just Rey."

"I like Reyna better."

I stare at him a second longer than I should.

"Seems like I made a wrong decision to join this team." Dowoon said quietly to himself, but of course me and Jae can hear it.

"Okay, let's start today's topic. Focus now, guys."

With that words from Professor Park, I stop staring at him and try to focus on what he's going to say.

 

-


	4. Chapter 4

 

Professor Park's idea to mix the 'supreme' and the 'lacking' seems like a brilliant idea. It's really different after I sit around the people who understand music, because if I lost in Professor Park's explanation, I can always ask Jae beside me, or Sungjin and Ayeon in my back. But mostly to Jae, and he explain it in the simplest way possible.

Just like when Professor Park talking about the different notation between G clef and F clef. In G clef, the notation in 5 lines has the sequence of EGBDF while in F clef is GBDFA, and it's confusing because it's hard to memorized. Then Jae told me to make acronyms of it, like Every Good Boy Does Fine for EGBDF in G cleff, and Good Boy Does Fine Always for GBDFA in F clef.

It works so I took his advice and use the acronyms he made because it will be easier for him to explain further more with that.

"It'll be easier in direct practice." Jae said once we all study together in my house. Me and Suzy's rented house to be exact.

Everyone's here, DAY6 members even Younghyun who is in different faculty from us, then Ayeon, and Jackson. This is the first time our house feel so full like this.

"But it's just this annoying theories for mid terms." Jackson whining for like a hundred times already. And he already drank two of my banana milk. It's my stock for a week, though.

"Yeah I hate this. We memorized the form in sequence, so it's confusing when the questions asking about the notation randomly." And Suzy whining too everytime Jackson did.

I really try hard to not whining with them. The truth is I really want to.

"Earth to Reyna." Jae snap his fingers in front of my face. "Are you okay? Still can take it?"

I just pouts my lips to answer him. I want to say that I can't take it anymore, but I still feel lacking in many things, and I never feel ready for mid terms.

"I can't take this anymore." Jackson voice out my mind.

"Look guys, the main key of this musical theories is a continuation. You get used to all the theories if you regularly learn about it. Means, it can't be mastered in a night, or three months, it's a continuing process. It's normal if you feel stress about it." Sungjin the wise man starts to cheer us up.

"I have a suggestion." Younghyun speak after he's done with his paper.

Everyone staring at him anticipating it.

"Memorize the form, write in in the back of your test paper before you start answering the question so you can always check your answer, it'll be less confusing."

"Make a cheating sheet." Suzy cuts Younghyun's words.

"Right." They high five.

Sungjin laugh helplessly, "That's not how you learn music, but it's acceptable in this situation."

"So tell me what forms we should memorize?" I suddenly got motivated with the idea.

"G clef, F clef, what else?" Suzy too, suddenly get exciting to get this over with.

"Unbelievable." Jae laughing helplessly, just like Sungjin. Both of his hands up in the air as his way to expressing this unbelievable situations.

But Ayeon is already start to listing everything we should memorize.

"Don't forget about the symbol too, guys. Key signatures, time signatures, tempo markings." Wonpil's add.

"Sharp." Dowoon speak out of the blue.

"Hashtag." Me and Jackson speak at the same time, teasing Wonpil because he called hashtag in SNS as sharp once, so we called sharp in music term as hashtag for appreciating Wonpil.

Ayeon laughing more like to herself, smiling while still saying the things we should memorize, with me and Suzy writing her every words to our notebook.

"I'll copy everything from you." Jackson said to Suzy who just nodding her head.

"Me too." Dowoon starts to make a beat with his fingers on the table, feeling more relax than before.

"Suddenly, everyone's feel at peace." Sungjin still laughing can't believe of this unusual behaviour of studying music.

"Hey Rey, can I have one more ban..."

"NOOO!" I cuts Jackson's words. "It's my weekly stock, and you already drank two of it."

"Jae will restock it for you."

"Why?" Jae laugh.

"Because Every Good Boy Does Fine."

I'm smiling while still trying focusing on Ayeon's voice. Jackson is clearly teasing Jae about the acronyms he made in G clef.

"I think that's all. You can make a cheating paper to each one of these forms." Ayeon checking on Suzy's note. "Adding things Wonpil's said..."

"And all the names in musical terms, the basic." Sungjin add.

"It's still a lot of work." I sigh, finally whining about it.

"Fighting, fighting." Jae said to me quietly.

I look at him and see he's smiling to me, assuring.

"You can do it, friends. You can do it." Wonpil said out of nowhere and everyone's laughing and smiling at it.

"Jae, are you sure you don't want to restock her banana milk?"

"Just... drink it."

"Okay!" Jackson shouts excited and jump from where he sit.

Dowoon follow him and grab one too. And I just look at them in despair then to Jae. "Promise me stock for a week."

He give me his right pinky and nodded his head once then I link it with my pinky without thinking.

"You can have one then."

He smile just right when Jackson back to his place and give Jae one bottle of banana milk. He gulp it down fast.

"What else that trouble you?" Younghyun asked Suzy quietly, but I'm sure everyone can hear it, just like everyone hearing my conversation with Jae.

"Memorizing all of this fast." Suzy said, grinning at him.

"I can't help with that, I'm sure everyone has different method in memorizing."

"What's your method?"

"Speak it out."

Don't know why, but everyone listening to Younghyun right now. His idea to make a cheating sheet is secured him a top position for the most intelligent. An idea bank. So we all anticipating his method of memorizing.

"For me, I can memorize thing faster if I speak it out loud, repeatedly."

"How can we speak out a picture?" I asked because I really curious, without any intention to tease him at all.

But all of them laughing.

"I mean, it's different with this." I tap on his business book once.

"Yeah, right. I just realized it too." Younghyun grins. "I never memorized any musical forms." He shrug his shoulders.

"Because you have plenty of time to learn it regularly and continually." Suzy take a glance at Sungjin and he nodded his head with his eyes close, feeling proud.

"Yes, that's why I think you guys must be have a way to handle it yourself."

"Should we try to forms a dance for it?" Suzy looking at me in serious expression.

I laughing helplessly, "We still have moves to remember for an assignment in Gayo class." I get tired already thinking about it.

"Gosh, our problems are all come from Proffessor Park's classes."

Ayeon laughing. "Or after you create the moves for this forms, you can use it as your assignment in that class."

"It'll be weird."

"It'll be go out of our concept."

"What's your concept?" Younghyun suddenly jump in the conversation.

"Something dark."

"Thriller." I added Suzys words.

"Any chance for us to witness it?" Sungjin asked interested

"You just want to see their sexy moves." Ayeon stating a fact.

"Hey, we're boys. Can't help it."

"I want to order Jajangmyeon, anyone want it too?" A smooth getaway from the cutest drummer Yoon Dowoon.

"I'm Jjampong." Wonpil raise his hand.

Then everyone starts to tell their menu one by one. Oh, I like this relaxing atmosphere. It can be death serious with them but suddenly get relaxing like what will happen tomorrow is nothing compare to this current moment.

Tomorrow is mid terms, though.

Is this youth?

-


	5. Chapter 5

 

"Finally midterm is done. I can breath comfortably now."

"Indeed."

"I can finally sleep in peace now."

We're eating lunch in some cozy cafe near music faculty, vacuum every food we've been craving since the beginning of midterm into our mouth. Exam week always is the hardest time for students, the most stressful, the most nerve-wrecking, and it makes us can't do other activities in peace. We were always in hurry even when eating, because the time we spent eating could be the precious time for practicing our dance moves, or memorizing music theories. So today it's like a day of freedom. The weather is nice too, and everything feels so at peace, without much things to worry about.

It's just us three, Me, Suzy, and Ayeon. It used to be just me and Suzy since high school, but I don't know, recently Ayeon always tagging along with us. Maybe because the last exam we did is Music class and Ayeon want to celebrate this freedom too, so she following us. It happened naturally though. And Ayeon is a fun person to hang out with. I mean she's not the type of person that want to close with me and Suzy for something in return. Let me tell you why me and Suzy always together everywhere: because people always want something for us and we hate it.

We considered as popular kids back then in high school, I'm not saying this to be cocky or anything, but that is the fact. Actually, it's Suzy who made us popular. Of course, because of her dancing. She's a dancing goddess after all. But I've been her friend long before she got that nickname, I've been hang out with her long before she good at dancing. So when her popularity was rising, mine was too. She met me at the first day in middle school, we were seatmate and soon enough become best friends because you know, seatmate. We saw each other everyday, that's why. And we both kind of fall in love with dancing, we actively searching out all about dancing together, watched videos, learned the name of many popular dancing moves, looked out the people who best at one particular move, went to Seoul alone just to watch some performance from our favorite dancers, until we decided to choose this path in serious state after graduated from high school.

We were known as Twins Dancer back then in high school, and we were pretty popular because we always dancing in every school events. Once again I'm not cocky but that's a fact. We were as popular as every cheerleader's members. And because of that popularity, people come and go around us, and it was obvious that they just want to take an advantage from our popularity. The most common purpose was thay want to become popular too. I have no problem with that, we all wanted to be popular kids in high school, but I don't like that they were so obvious about it. Me and Suzy somehow feel it and we both sensitive about that kind of thing. There's no honesty in their friendships, everything feels like sugarcoated. Let alone the lying, and the bad mouthing behind our back. So we just stick to each other in the end, only believe to each other. But still, we always open with people, that's for sure. It's just a little hard to be in a deeper friendships.

Ayeon, on the other hand, is the most honest and sincere person I've ever met. Of course I judge her too early, we only know each other for like 3 months, but she has that aura of an honest person, shown from her singing at first, actually. She's taking as much as she's giving. She always giving to be honest, to us. Especially in Music class.

That's how naturally she tag along with me and Suzy. We let her.

Ayeon suddenly waving her hand makes me turn my head to the entrance behind my back and see Jae walking to us.

"Adding your post-midterms happiness bucket list..." Jae put a plastic bag on the table in front of me before sit right beside me. Because it's the only empty place.

"Wow." Suzy tease, not sure to Jae or me.

"Surprising." Ayeon jump in.

Actually I dont know since when, but Ayeon seems like knowing about my thing with Jae. Maybe Suzy told her, or maybe it's just her assuming things, but since that look she gave me at the first day she sat behind me in Music class, she actively arrange an event for us to hang out with DAY6 members. With Jae especially.

I'm not surprised if she told Jae too about our whereabout right now.

"A man who true to his words." I'm smiling happily at the box of banana milk he just gave me. Stock of a week.

"Tell me about it." He's laughing it off and grab the leftover french fries on the table.

"I thought you guys practicing?" Ayeon asked while moving the french fries closer to his side.

"Sungjin had a sudden urgent family matter." He munch the french fries fast.

"Still such a family-guy."

"Of course. That's why he's our leader."

"Want to order anything else? You seems hungry."

"I just had lunch actually, with the boys." He turn my head to look at me. "This is for recharging the energy I use to get here."

"Exaggerating."

"Rey, do you remember about Sunbaenims that want to meet us the other day?" Suzy asked out of the blue while looking at her phone and I'm thinking, trying to remember who she meant. "The Yin & Yang."

"Oh, right." Yin & Yang is just our way to call them because we saw they're dancing in so much sync together, completing each other's moves, like the balance of Yin & Yang. And yes, in black and white outfit that really reminded me of Yin & Yang symbol.

"Actually, one of them found out my contact and he want to see me right now, like..." She moving her phone in the air.

"Go then."

"He's in some coffee shop not far from here, I'll meet him for awhile and be right back here, okay?" She grab her bag, "Or text me if you're done here."

"You can meet him for as long as you want, Suz." I laughing a little, "We can just meet at home."

"But still, text me."

"Sure." Then she go with her usual light step. Everything she do is like a dance moves, actually.

"Are you sure you already ate lunch?" Ayeon looking at Jae with her eyes wide open in surprise.

"Boys, as if you don't know them already."

"Huh, tell me about it."

"I'm not surprise anymore after saw Jackson drank 3 bottles of my banana milk in less than an hour." I somehow hug my banana milk.

"Point." He still wobbling.

"My ride is here." Ayeon said just when she see a car arrived at the parking lot from the window beside our table.

"What? I thought you said you'd be here longer?"

"Change of plan. Me too, is a family-girl just like Sungjin."

"But..." I lift up my head to looking at her who already stand up from her seat.

It means it's just me and Jae. Alone. What should I do or talk about? We never be in the same room literally alone like this, so it's kind of frightening me out. I feel the nervousness starts to creep in.

"Don't panic like that, Jae's a good guy. He might just need some food again soon."

"Go!" Jae annoyed at her words.

But panic, I am. Are they planning this? To think about it again, Suzy's excuse to leave is just a little off too. She said the Sunbaenims want to meet us, but it's just her who contacted by one of them? Then Ayeon's pick up arrived not long after, without her telling me in advance that she changed her plan? This is a set up, isn't it?

Ayeon still leaves, waving a goodbye to us with big smile on her face, and I can't do anything. I can't following her because Jae is closing my way out, I'm trapped here between him and the window glass. And he doesn't look like he will getting up any soon.

"They're doing it on purpose, aren't they?" And Jae is smart enough to understand things.

Girls, you really have to done this better.

"That was obvious."

"But Ayeon's right. Don't panic, I'm a good guy."

"Are you?" I turn my head to look at him.

"Tell me what a good guy is in your perspective?"

I frowning my head but smiling and shakes my head, "I don't know, just a guy that don't do bad things?"

"What bad things?"

"Like makes girl feel uncomfortable? Forcing? Rude?"

"Lying? Two-timing?"

"And giving false hope?"

He silent for awhile. "It's not always our intention to giving false hope. It can be because of the situations and the unsureness. Sometimes it's an unconscious act, happen without us realize it."

"Yeah? Tell me about it." I laugh and looking away.

"Boys are human too, you know. Just like girls, we do feel confused, scared, and uncertain with ourself. It's a normal feeling everyone can have as a human."

"But boys are tend to do misleading acts."

"Like what?"

"Like walking girls home in the middle of the night."

"That's because we worries if there'll be something bad happen to them."

"Hug them goodnight after that."

"Isn't that manner? A friendly hug? Friends do hug each other."

"Saying nice flattering words to them at night."

"We do that to keep the conversation going. Besides, girls like that."

"Yeah, girls like that, and that's the point. That is why it such a hope to us. A signal, to assume that boys interested in us."

A silent creeps in again and we looking at each other longer than it should be.

"Boys should just tell what they really feel."

"We do, after we sure about it."

I loss for words, actually. But I don't want to lose this argument somehow.

"Can boys made up their mind faster and avoid those actions that lead to a false hope?"

"Like I've said before, it depends on situations, and how things works in that time."

I tsk annoyed by his unchangable opinion. Maybe he's already a pro at it, at giving out false hope to girls. And that's how things always go to him.

But he smile, "You seems afraid of that?"

"Because it will hurt, right? Think about the girl's feeling!"

"So it's our fault because we feel unsure? Boys are not allowed to feel unsure then?"

"I didn't mean it like that, it's just... is there really nothing we can do about it?"

"Nothing, it's a natural process of getting in relationships."

"You must be a pro."

He laughs.

And it sounds so good to my ear. Imagine a honey-like voice laughing so earnessly beside you. It almost sounds like a melody.

 

 

We move to bowling center after that intense debating about false hope. I can't quiet remember how we ended up here. Someone must be mentioned about bowling once, and the next thing we do is went here. And as intense as our debat before, this game is another tight match.

"Why you're so good at this?!" Jae shouts with an unbelievable look at his face for many times already. Happened everytime I made a strike. And yes, I'm leading now.

"You must be popular back then." His gaze following me who just pass by him and keep it until I sit in the back to give him time to preparing his turn.

"You're not that bad, either. You must be popular too back then."

"No, I'm the weird one hanging with those popular kids." He grab one ball, still with his gaze looking at me. "It's my first time meeting a girl who play bowling better than me."

I just shrugs my shoulders, and he turns to throw the ball. He got strike too. The score is even now.

I sit up from my seat then smiling looking at the score board. One more frame left, this is getting serious.

"Want to bet something for the winner? Like granting a wish?" I challenge him with a big smile on my face, feeling confident.

"Oh, you challenge me?" He smiling wide too I can see his pocket cheeks. He's liking it, getting excited at this.

"Only if you have the gut."

"Reyna, you don't know who you're facing."

"It's a deal, then?" I lend my hand to him and he shake it as he said, "Bring it on."

I stretching my hands and fingers move it fast in the air before grab one ball. I should get a strike to secure my winning. I feel nervous suddenly, but smile still paste on my face. I'm liking this too.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, in ready position. A ball beside my head and when I open my eyes, I move my feet forward, running a little, and swing my hand that hold the ball and simultaneously drop it on the wood lane.

I screams loud, annoyed when I see two pins still standing there while Jae shouts Yes! in glee.

"Why am I so nervous about this?" I open my mouth at him, hiding my annoyed feeling behind a surprising look, I can't believe what just happened.

But Jae is smiling happily and now moving his mouth praying repeatedly for me to miss the next roll. I get more annoyed by that.

And it happen. The pray Jae keep repeat, and he screaming in glee again.

"Ah whyyyy?!" I'm whining.

And just like it can't get any worse, he score a strike after that.

He is annoying.

He run to me and hug me happily just like that, while I pout my lips annoyed. It's like I just throw a boomerang that precisely come back to me, hit my face.

He jumping up and down, still hugging me from the side, circling his right hand in my shoulders.

"What do you want?" I asked after he calm down from the euphoria.

"I can't think of anything right now, I'll tell you later when something popped up in my mind."

"What? You can't do it like that."

"Sure I can, I'm the winner." We stare to each other with his hand still linger on my shoulder.

"You mean it doesn't have a time limit?"

"Of course. I'll think about it and will use it very carefully for something that I really want." He smiling to tease me.

I sigh.

"Let's go for now, I'll ride you home."

And here I am once again in Jae's motorbike, but now it's cold windy night that accompany us, not the evening warm wind like before when we went to the bowling center.

But I like it. I like this. I like today.

I like him apparantly. Period. Confirmed. The zing isn't lie.

"It was so fun." He smile after we arrive in front of my house.

"Yeah, I had fun too. Thanks for this by the way." I lift up the plastic bag with banana milks inside.

He smile, "See you tomorrow?"

"Sure."

We smile to each other as a goodbye. I see him disappear in the dark night before I walk into my house, found Suzy and Ayeon eating something in the living room.

"You did that on purpose, right?!" I shouts to them right away and they just laughing to me. My mouth agape open.

"See? It works!" Ayeon look at Suzy with a smile on her face.

"Tell us all about it!" Suzy said happily at me.

"I'm sleeping here tonight by the way!" Ayeon too, shouts happily, getting excited to hear the whole story.

It's just bowling, though. But I feel like it's a door for many things to come.

-


	6. Chapter 6

 

Suzy's excuse about meeting one of the Yin & Yang Sunbae is true, surprisingly. That day she did meet Junho Sunbae and he was asking her about performing together for the next Outdoor Show. So that's how they called the performance in the field before the sunset, Outdoor Show. And it's not only Suzy, because I am here too, practicing with them and Wooyoung Sunbae.

They said they want to do a couple dance, but they can't find a suitable partner with the concept they wanted. And they remembered about me and Suzy who accidentally danced along in the previous Outdoor Show. They think we can work this out.

Seems true, because after practicing the moves they created for two hours, a satisfying smile forms in their faces.

"This is better than I imagine, though?" Junho Sunbae said after we finally completing the choreo.

"You girls memorize the moves fast." Wooyoung Sunbae added.

Just in two hours, yes. We surprise, too. But the truth is, it's because they're both making it easier. They explaining the moves in detail, makes me and Suzy understand it easily about what they want with the moves and the overall choreography, what vibe we should show in this performance.

Which is sexy.

It's a couple dance after all, so the concept is rather sexy. But actually there's a story behind it. A couple in business. They're close and intimate and do whatever couples usually do, but all just for business, there's some kind of line to not be crossing. Every moves are express those storyline. Like when we're getting close to touching each other, we'll be separated right away. But we're still dancing around each other just like a real couple doing their real relationships. Only stop when everything gets to intimate, over the line. Teasing. All just business after all.

It's fun, really. They really are genius choreographer. Their sharp corrections of me and Suzy's moves almost like what Professor Park always say to us. A small detail but can change the overall mood of the dance. And we trying hard to keep in synch too. That's hard actually. If it's not me and Wooyoung Sunbae, then it's Suzy and Junho Sunbae. That's why we need practice more.

"I heard Suzy is a born-dancer." Junho said suddelny when we gathering our things at the end of practice.

"Where you heard that?" Suzy laughing it off, as always.

"Professor Park, of course."

"He praised her, actually." I said matter of factly.

"You're close with Professor Park?"

"He's our mentor." Wooyoung gave us a fact. "This Outdoor Show thing is like... a regular assignment from him."

"Wow." Me and Suzy respon in unison.

"All of the people in the squad?" I asked again, curious.

"Yes. It's like his project to help us getting to the place we wanted."

We walk out from practice room, walking together to the outside of this building, me and Wooyoug behind Suzy and Junho.

"Where's the place you wanted?" I asked Wooyoung, I just curious about it.

Because there's so much options for us as a dancer and entertainer in general.

"A contemporer dancer."

I look at him in surprise because I never expected that answer. "I think you're an Idol material, though?"

"That's what people often say about Wooyoung." Junho jump in conversation when we're step outside the building.

A cold autumn night welcomed us and I shivering a little, surprise at the coldness.

"Right?"

"Are you decided to do contemporer just because you want to get out from people's expectation of you, Sunbae?" Suzy asked in serious manner.

I heard about Suzy is an idol material too these days.

"I don't know, maybe? But it's true that I thought about become an idol the first time I study here. Junho, too. It's the most common goal for the dancer. But then I learned about many things here, and contemporer cought my curiousity."

"You want to know it deeper." I said out of nowhere, because that feeling suddenly there in me.

"Yes. But it also true that I want to surprising people, to show them that there's something I'm capable of other than being an idol. Doesn't mean I'm degradating idols, no. It's not easy to be an idol, and I always respect their efforts and hard works."

"What about you, Junho Sunbae?" I asked Junho who suddenly become quiet.

"Me? I'm not decide anything yet. Guess I just want to do everything as much as possible." He laugh.

"Because you're indeed good at everything." Wooyoung giving another fact. "He even good at acting, this kid. He did excellent in acting class."

"Oh, really? We're about to take that class next semester, right Rey?" I nodded at Suzy's question. "Is it hard?"

"It's fun. I can be whatever I want to be when I'm acting." Junho laugh again. "It help me controlling my face expressions better when dancing. Besides, it can be another option too."

"In case dancing isn't doing as well as we expected in our life?" I asked curious. It's nice to sharing this kind of things with seniors, really. They knew much more things than us, so it's kind of good knowing things from their perspectives.

"Yeah, kind of like that. We can't help it though."

"Indeed. This is an unstable and unexpectable industry. It'll help, having one or two more skills other than your main dream to pursue alone."

"But I always admiring those who just stick to their one dream because of how much they love it." Suzy said again in serious manner.

"When we learn about other skills, it doesn't mean we decreasing our focus to live out our main dream, or decreasing our love for it, no. It's not always one way or another." Junho said with calmness state.

And we got silence because of that, because we're drown in an epiphany.

"Mind blowing." I whispered suddenly.

And the Sunbaes laughing.

"You girls are too serious thinking about it. It's just your first year, just enjoy it to the fullest." Wooyoung try to makes us relax with the future.

"Yeah, right! Just enjoy everything to the fullest. Like you always say, Rey, appreciate this moment. Let that be tomorrow worries." Suzy getting motivated.

"Yeah. Let's enjoy our performance next week." Oh, I can't wait for that. Just thinking about it makes me feeling all the energy the crowd will give just like how I experienced it weeks before.

-

  
Wonpil press one note again from his keyboard, and I answer it right again.

And once again.

"Fa." I said.

Suzy, Jackson, and Dowoon look at me in disbelieve. They can't believe what they just saw or heard. Me too. It's surprising that I can tell what notes Wonpil plays with full of certainty.

"Try to produce the sound, then." Younghyun smiling anticipating what I can do.

"La." Wonpil give question then he plays the do-re-mi-fa-sol-la-si-do accordingly before waiting for my answer.

I sing the note La. Just like that, without thinking, but I don't know if that is right or not. But then I look at Wonpil and Younghyun's face that smiling. I hit he right note, apparently.

"Re." Wonpil plays the notes accordingly once again and I sing the note he given again.

"How can she do that?" I heard Jackson whispering to Suzy and Dowoon after I hit the right note again.

"Try without the guidance." Younghyun is curious now.

"Sol." Wonpil asked but not touching his keyboard to guide me.

But I sing it, then Jae shouts "Woaaah!" in unbelievable tone of voice, like he just got a goosebump.

My answer is right again apparently.

"It's too early to call it perfect pitch, but..." Younghyun smiling excitingly.

"We'll teach you everything and test you again like this after two weeks, then." Wonpil too, get exciting about this. "Now for the rest of you..." He now looking at Suzy, Jackson, and Dowoon. "No other way than practice everyday."

"How can you do that?" Suzy asked me still in disbelieve. Like I am cheating on her.

"Uhm...."

"That's a given." Younghyun then explain it to her, about how one can tell or produce a note perfectly without reference, it's called perfect pitch. It's something that a person born with it.

"It can be learned somehow, by practicing it since the very young age." Sungjin added.

"Sungjin here is having perfect pitch, too." Wonpil giving another fact about the members.

"I remember when he sang Love You to Death by 10cm, the feeling when he sang the first note is like... woaaah!" Dowoon telling us another fun episode of the band.

"You can tell one is a good singer by the first note." Jae commented.

"But it has nothing to do with perfect pitch, actually. Having a perfect pitch is not that amazing. It's just a helping tool to understand music note." Sungjin give his thought in a very modest way.

"But it sure makes the learning process easier, right?" Suzy asked.

"Yes, in one and other way." Sungjin laughs. "It's like I have different start from the other."

"But I just found about it, I still can't tell a complicated notes." I said.

"That's because you don't know about the complete notation yet. I can give you a private class for that." Jae suddenly proposing.

"For Rey, only? Are you serious? There's like three people here who need that private class." Jackson look at him judgingly.

"You have Wonpil, she has Ayeon and Dowoon..."

"I'm in your team, fyi." Dowoon finally voicing out the unfairness he received all this time he's in this team. And I laughing at that.

"Sungjin is free." Jae shoot an apologizing smile to him.

"So does Younghyun. And I think Younghyun is more suitable for you because I have a thin ability of holding back impatience." Sungjin somehow try to avoid the idea of giving Dowoon a private class.

"Liar." Ayeon said.

"So you mean he's challenging your impatience?" Younghyun want a confirmation.

"He will, apparantly. Besides, you're a better tutor. And you always treasure him."

"He's our baby we must protect." Younghyun reply Sungjin's word by parents-like kind of feel.

"The cutest indeed." Ayeon smiling agreed to Younghyun's words.

"It's starting again, huh? The all baby-ing me. I'm an adult right now, guys. We're not in high school anymore. I'm manly now."

"Ooooh our gentleman, Yoon Dowoon!" Jae teasing Dowoon while Wonpil is smiling and nodding his head.

"The way you said it is still cute, indeed." Ayeon said to Dowoon, give fire to all this debating.

"How is that cute to you?" Dowoon whining.

Everyone is silent for a second but then Ayeon starts to teasing him again by repeat his sentences, word by word, in a more whining tone of voice. Then Jackson, then Suzy, then me.

"Stop it guys, it's childish!" Dowoon indeed still cute even when he's annoyed.

And we repeat that again, clearly teasing him.

"Enough, guys." Younghyun said in the middle of our laughing.

"See? It's always Younghyun on Dowoon's side." Sungjin give an absolute fact.

"He's our baby!" Younghyun's intention is to defense Dowoon and himself, but Dowoon clearly doesn't feel like being defended at all.

"You make it worse." He said and sighing.

"So how about tonight, Rey?" Jae whisper very quietly beside me while the other still teasing and laughing about Dowoon's cuteness and Younghyun endless love for him.

"What?"

"Private class."

I stare at him longer. "I can't, I have practice tonight. How about tomorrow evening?"

"Sure, then. Whenever you're ready."

-


	7. Chapter 7

 

We decided to have this private class in an open space, because Jae always think learning in an open space with nature and wind and sunshine is good not only for the brain but also for the mood. And the better mood results a better comprehension. So here we are sitting on the soft grass in the side of artificial lake our campus has. The sun shines not too bright to blinding our vision, but not too cloudy, either. The wind is not too hot as summer, but not yet cold as winter. It's the perfect autumn evening.

There's some group of people sitting around us, not too far from one another. They're either study with their books and papers all over the grass, or just hanging out here watching the view of the lake, chatting and laughing. It's peaceful. Jae was right, this atmosphere is bring out a good mood, and yes I learned faster because of that.

Or is it simply because it doesn't required memorizing this time? Seriously, I'm bad at memorizing. This is rather fun, because I just need to hear every notes Jae played with his guitar. He explained one by one about the notes, from the lowest C2 to the highest E6, repeat it once or twice, then I can tell right away when he asked me to guess it.

Dear lord, I'm surprise myself at that. I keep wondering about it though, maybe it's because of the good weather and the good surrounding so that I can hear clearly then remember it fast. And no, it's not because of Jae's soft honey voice that explaining everything in a melodic way, or his smiling face in the middle of his explanation, or his proud grins that show everytime I answer his questions right. It's not solely because of that. It must be the combination of all, the nice weather, nice mood, and nice guy.

Okay, the nice guy.

"Singing something." Jae said while playing his guitar in a soft way. The sun is going to set soon, the sky covered in orange now.

"What should I sing?"

"Anything, the last song you listen?"

"Don't laugh, okay?"

"Of course." He smile then stop his playing, looking at me anticipate it.

Then I start to sing Crush's Don't Forget in a serious manner. Why, though?

I open my eyes in the middle of my singing to see Jae's reaction, and he's smiling. Then he start to play his guitar giving rhythm to my singing. And somehow he harmonizing with me, soon this become a duet with us smiling to each other enjoying this moment.

Almost perfect. Almost paradise.

I like this so much I wish this could last.

 

We gather our things after singing a couple more songs. The sun has completely set, and I should be going to pick up my nephew from my sister's house. Tonight's agenda is babysitting. My sister's and her husband need to attend this business meeting in Jeju tomorrow morning so they should be going tonight, Daehan will be my responsibility until they come back tomorrow evening.

"What you're gonna do after this? How about dinner at Cheez?"

Cheez is a chicken resto that focus in cheese chicken in their menu, and it's Jae's favorite place nowadays. He likes cheese and chicken, so yeah.

"I'm going to do babysitting tonight."

"Never thought you're a mother already."

We laugh. "No, it's my nephew. My sister and her husband will going out of town tonight, so... I guess I just cook something for dinner."

"I'll take you there, then."

-

 

"Put a lot of meat in the pasta, imo~" Daehan said nearly shouts from the table behind me. He sits on his toddler chair waiting for his pasta, his ultimate favorite food.

"How much?"

"This muuuuch~" he open both of his arms wide. His voice can be heard to the entire house, to be honest.

And in the time like this, Suzy always find a way to stay away as much as she could. So she go out tonight with Ayeon, I don't know to the theatre or to the night club, because they still not decided anything when they left this house, as I can catch from their conversation earlier. It's not that she hates Daehan, no, they have a wonderful acquiantance, but hearing this kid talking all night is stress her out. Too much of it is a big no, so she asked Ayeon out tonight, I bet they're gonna go home at least at eleven.

My phone ringing in the middle of this battle with the pasta, it makes me sigh a little bit annoyed. From Jae. Why in the earth he call me when we just met one and a half hour ago?

"You forgot something?" I answered the phone anyway. And Daehan is singing Pororo's song so loud right now I'm not surprise if Jae hear it.

"Is that your nephew?"

"Yes." I sigh because then Daehan call me and said, "Imo~ something happen with the pasta you should check it out~"

"How old are he?"

"Five in the next month." I walk to the stove that still boiling the noodle.

"So you're making pasta?"

"Yeah. And you better tell me what you need before Daehan screaming again to me to checking the pasta."

Jae laughs. "Can I come over?"

"Like... right now?" I'm frowning my head.

"Yeah I haven't eat anything for dinner, pasta sounds good. What is Daehan like? A cake? Chocolate?"

"Are you sure? He'll be a lot of work. Have you ever babysitting before?"

"No," he laugh again, "But what's the big deal about babysitting?" He said it in confident way, and I'm afraid he'll be regret it the moment he step into my house tonight.

 

But he really come over. With single piece of chocolate cake for Daehan, and one mint vanilla cake for me and him. And he got timing with him because dinner is just ready.

Jae munching the food as eager as Daehan I feel like they're competing to each other. No major mess between them so far. I kind of worry because Daehan is not the type of child who easy to be close with. But he seems fine with Jae. Maybe because he said he brought a choco cake for him to eat after dinner.

"I met Suzy and Ayeon at Flower Road before going here."

So they decided to clubbing.

"Why you come here then?"

"Because you'll be alone."

"I'm with Daehan." I look at Daehan then, who is eating the pasta silently while looking at me and Jae talking. He seems listening every words we say and try to understand it.

"Can I have your meat?" He asked Jae.

"No, you have your own."

"Please~" Daehan move his body towards the table try to persuade Jae. If his toddler chair isn't hold him in place, I'm sure he'll snatch that meat already from Jae's plate.

"Okay, here." Jae smile then give some of his meet to Daehan.

"He never use please to me."

"Maybe because you gave him the meet right away."

My eyes open bigger and I nodded my head in an ephipany, "Right,"

"Thank you." Said Daehan after Jae is done moving the meat to his plate.

"Daehan, are you afraid of him?"

He nodded and I frowning my head. "Why?" I smile trying to hold back my laughter.

"Isn't he a policeman?"

We burst into laughing.

"Maybe he suddenly become a polite kid because he thought you're a police."

"Who said I'm a policeman?" Jae asked to Daehan surprise, still laughing.

"You ride motorbike. Policeman ride a motorbike."

"Not only policeman rides motorbike, Daehan. You shouldn't be afraid of him." I move my head closer to him, "Just do what you always do. Why you so quiet suddenly?"

Daehan just munching the pasta, don't have any intention to answer me at all. But he listen to my words after we finish dinner. He's back to his usual self that always talking, in a nearly shouting voice, telling Jae everything, but mostly about all of his toys. He name all of it, and he's explaining it to Jae right now. There at least 10 different kind of dinosaurus and he force Jae to remember every name of it.

After that they playing some kind of police game, where Daehan is the police and Jae is the culprit. And they really going all around the house, running everywhere, screaming. I think I'll get a headache soon.

But it become easier on me, because I got free from Daehan's random questions that usually he asked to me. Boys indeed becomes different when hang out among their kind.

"BBANG BBANG!" I hear Daehan's screaming from either my room or Suzy room, so I walk to check them out.

"It's Suzy nuna's room, Daehan. She'll get mad at you when she got home."

Daehan look at me in surprise then jump from the bed then running to me, he is pointing his finger gun at me. "You must be the culprit, too!"

I put my hands up automatically, playing along.

"No, I come for peace. Actually I come for Pororo."

"Pororo?"

"Are you still want to watch Pororo?"

"Yes, of course~"

Jae sigh in relieve hearing that. He is now... well, a mess lying down on the floor. He seems out of breath, and I laughing at that.

"Come on Jae, it's Pororo time."

"Oh, wow." He said it in sarcastic way. He clearly tired.

Then we move to living room and I play the Pororo movie Daehan chose to watch. I don't know since when, but Daehan is curling comfortably at Jae's lap on the sofa.

He singing along the Pororo's theme song. Not long after, Jae is singing too. Even harmonizing their voices. 

Are music students always harmonizing everything?

"Next time I'll bring my guitar and we can sing a song together."

"You play guitar?"

"Yes, I'm cool when playing guitar."

"I want to play guitar too."

"Next time we meet, okay?"

"Okay~"

Surprising. They already making promise to their next encounter.

Then Daehan get silent looking at the TV, but I know it's because he already sleepy. It's already his bed time, and this Pororo movie is just a bait to make him sleep. I'm tired, I bet Jae is too.

But Daehan trying as hard as he could to keep his eyes open, so Jae touching his feet then rubbing it in a slow rhythm, as a lullaby. And yes, Jae then humming a song too for him, as a lullaby. And it works!

I see Daehan's eyes are close and open and close again. This time he close it long, and not open it again. His breathing is steady, Jae's hand keep moving softly on his feet make him go deeper in sleepland.

"Congratulations you just succeed to make a child go to bed." I whisper softly after turn down the volume of TV.

"It's rather a piece of cake, Reyna."

"Oh I'm sorry, who is the one lied on the floor almost out of breath earlier?"

"I survived, that's what important."

I'm smiling then make a sign for him to take Daehan to my room. He hold Daehan carefully to not waking him up, walking quietly to my bedroom, and lay Daehan down with the softness I never imagine he would had.

I close the door after that, and we're sitting in living room. Pororo still on the TV, and we still in silence, drowning in our own thoughts.

I wondering about how can he still here. No, it's more like how could he be here in the first place.

"It was a lot of work, wasn't it?" I break this comfortable silence.

"But it was fun. I never got close to a child before, I'm surprise at myself."

"Yeah, you don't look like that type of person. Sungjin is more suitable."

"He's a family-guy after all." Jae laughing soft. Then say, "I never spent my time with a girl for this long, too." He look at me. "We're together since..."

"Afternoon."

"Wow, Reyna. You're the first, you should be feel honored by it."

"Wow." I replied in a sarcastic tone of voice.

"You worth my time." He said it like to himself, in a wondering state. His gaze is locked to the TV screen but I doubt he's watching it.

And I'm wondering if he meant that he likes me by that. I mean, liking me in a romantic way. Or is it just some acts boys usually do that lead girls to a false hope?

"You should get going, it's late."

He smile, "Bored with me already?"

"No, it's not like that. You need rest, because I know how tired you are right now."

"Okay, I'll give you time to rest too." He get up and stretching out his body by put his hands up in the air, groaning.

I see his skin under his t-shirt that got up because of the move unintentionally. Good lord, thank you so much for that.

I walking him out of my house to where his motorbike is parked right now. He stop walking then turn his body to me instead of sit on his motorbike.

"Can I hug you?"

I frowning my head, totally got surprised.

"A friendly hug?"

"For what?"

"To express my gratitude to you because you brought this fun day to me." He grins.

"Is that just your excuse?"

He laugh, "Maybe?" He open his arms wide to me and walk closer.

And I can't move to reject his wish. We're hugging. A friendly hug, he called it.

"Thank you so much for today, Reyna. It was fun." He tap my back twice.

I completely frozen and confuse and frowning my head. I hope this is not just a false hope. I hope it leads to something more, a real relationship. I hope it's not just burn into ashes later. So I hug him back and tap his back too, twice just like he did. Simply to let him know that I feel the same way with what he felt right now. Me too, thankful that he was with me today.

"Thank you for your effort to dealing with Daehan. It's good." I feel him smiling beside my head.

I hear the sound of my wooden gate opened so I turn my head to Suzy who just step inside then got surprised. She try to holding back her scream but failed, then she walking out again through the gate, hiding herself.

I pull out from Jae's embrace to shouts to her, "Get inside, Suz. It's late."

I hear Jae sighing a disappointment though.

"Am I interrupting something?" Suzy's head seen behind the gate.

"Yes," Jae said together with me that said "No,"

"You both can discuss it first, then."

"No, get inside. Jae's just going to go anyway."

"Bored with me already, aren't you?" He can't believe I ditched his hug like that.

"Rest, remember?"

"Ah." He nodded then walk to his motorbike.

Suzy come inside after open the gate wider for Jae. We wave him goodbye for the last time then close the gate.

I want to call it a night but not with Suzy apparantly, because she ask while we walking inside the house, "Progress?"

"Friendly hug."

"That was friendly hug? Are you sure?"

"He said it like that."

"Wow, friendzone it is."

Now we're sitting in the kitchen chair. She gulping down a glass of cold water then look at me.

"But that is still a progress. How was it?"

"It was fun."

She frowning, "I mean the hug."

"Oh." I keep silence for a second, "It was vague. But I still got that heart thumping."

"It's confirmed a progress. Wishing the best for you two." She smiling happily.

"How was your night with Ayeon?"

"It was a blast." She smiling wider but I sense something? "It's good that I come home with peace. Daehan is sleeping already?"

"Jae made him sleep, actually."

"Another progress."

"Stop it~" I'm whining, feeling embarassed by that.

"I know I should, but I can't help it." She laugh. "Okay, sleep now you look tired. I'm tired too."

"Wait, you're not gonna tell me your night?"

"Later, we have so much time anyway."

-


	8. Chapter 8

 

"Younghyun and Ayeon once a thing."

I stop my every moves and turn my head from the mirror to Suzy beside me, who still getting ready for the performance today. We're finishing our make up already, dressed in a black tight revealing outfit. Thank god, Wooyoung and Junho let us wear long pants because the wind is starting to feel chilly these days.

"That night when we were clubbing, Dowoon accidentally said that, and we ended up talking about it." She still speak in a calm tone, checking her face for the last time in the mirror.

"Does Ayeon know that you like Younghyun?"

"I'm not liking Younghyun in a romantic way, Rey. I just fans him, I like seeing him perform on stage. It's just like a fangirl fans an idol." Suzy assure me, "But Ayeon assuming I like him that much, and that night she told me that I shouldn't be worry about her and Younghyun. But she kind of got the wrong idea. I'm different with you and Jae, I just casually fans him. I'm not feeling that kind of zing you felt to Jae."

"So what happened? That night you went home alone, right? What about Ayeon?"

She stop me with her palm facing me in the air. "Dowoon said Younghyun was like her so much back then and it was hard for him to moved on after the break up. He never dating again since then. And things between them is still a mystery. And that night yes, we went home alone in separate ways."

We move to sit on the floor of this practice room, in one corner that separating us from the other performer that also getting ready checking their make up and outfit.

"Wait, you three talked about this together? You, Ayeon, and Dowoon in the same time same place?"

She nodded. "Ayeon assured us that things between her and Younghyun are over long times ago, and they fine as friends right now. But of course, Dowoon is not think like that. He claimed that he knows Younghyun the best, he feel that he still have feelings for Ayeon."

Suzy shrugs her shoulder, "It's frustrating somehow, because Ayeon think I like Younghyun so much while the truth is not like that, and I told her to talk to Younghyun for once to clear everything's up between them. I don't want our friendships become awkward because of that."

"How can you guys discussing that much just by a night without me?"

"Oh, Rey. That night we talked seriously like the universe will end tomorrow."

"So you give up on Younghyun, then?"

"I never think to date him in the first place, Rey. You've got the wrong idea about what I feel to him. I just fans him the way fangirl liking an idol. That's the case. I assured Ayeon the same that night. Then she promised to talk with Younghyun to really clearing everything. Case closed."

"Are you sure that's really what you feel about him?"

She sigh, "Not you too, Rey."

"Okay, I believe you. I just making sure, because there's a case when someone is not even know what they feel until it's too late."

"That someone surely is not me."

"So, there's a chance they will back together then?"

"I hope so? If they're still like each other, why not?"

"Why they broke up, though?"

Suzy shrug her shoulders.

"What are you girls talking about so seriously?" Junho come to us to check on our appearance, matching it with his own outfit in the mirror.

"Perfect." Wooyoung nodded his head once. "Guys, finish everything in 10 minutes, then it's show time!" Wooyoung shouts through the entire practice room.

And the squad cheering with full of energy. Even greater energy from what I felt that time when I first saw them performing.

 

 

I see Ayeon waving her hands on me in the middle of the crowd that radiating this magnificent energy right after our Outdoor Show. Some of the Sunbaes I don't even know congratulating me, and Suzy of course, saying they're blown away by our performance. They are Wooyoung & Junho friends apparently. Some of the squad thank us and we thank them back for giving this opportunity to us. And to Wooyoung and Junho Sunbae who personally asked us to perform together with them, we give each other hug of encouragement, tapping the back of each other simultaneously, wishing each other a great sucess in the future. They're open to another collaboration too in the future, saying that we only have to call them.

I, once again, feeling this euphoria inside of me, filling me to the fullest. A happiness that never can be explain, those who is living their dreams must be understand this feeling. Like we're one step closer to fulfill it.

After we sure we're done thanking everyone in the crowd, we excuse ourselves to Ayeon's place. She's waiting excitingly with Jackson and all DAY6's members, except Younghyun that always has class in Wednesday evening. They're waiting kind of far from the crowd in the corner of the field, sitting around each other while talking and laughing.

Ayeon screaming excitingly when we finally arrives, we hugging each other then, making a circle with our body close together, hands on each other's shoulders.

"Can I join the ceremony, girls?" Jackson jumping around our circle, hoping to be in a circle too.

"Don't bother him." Ayeon said then we break the hugging. "Congratulations for your first performance. It was lit, and sexy, and perfect, you girls are damn pretty, and the sunbaes who danced with you...?" She take a breath, "...is incredible, and handsome, and cool. Are you sure you guys just a business partner? I mean the chemistry is pretty amazing! How long you've been knowing each other?"

I look at her in disbelieve, "Slow down, can you?"

"It's because I'm so excited! The boys too!"

I look at DAY6's members who... awkwardly standing there waiting to congratulate me and Suzy, but Ayeon just keep talking and keeping us to her.

Realizing it, I walk closer to them then they start to give me dozen of compliment. To Suzy too, who appear behind me.

"But, do you have to wear this kind of outfit? Isn't this too revealing?" Jae said to no one in particular between me and Suzy.

"Why? You afraid that other boys will think dirty about them?" Ayeon answered Jae's question fast. "Just like you, back then before knowing them?"

Sometimes Ayeon can be so brave to voice out her thinking. Sometimes I wonder if that's really her personality or if that's just because she talking it with DAY6's members which was her high school mates.

"Don't you have a filter on your mind before speak it out loud?" Wonpil asked annoyed, his expression is like the one who caught did something embarassing.

"But that's the kind of purpose of the dance." I comment to it just like how I responded it back then in our first day knowing each other.

"It's part of performance, be understandable." Suzy said to Jae.

"You don't like girls who wear revealing clothes?" I asked Jae and everyone's listening, interested.

"I'd rather like it if she's keeping it just for her precious one." He look at me in seriousness.

"Eventhough it's just for a performance?"

"I never think about that yet."

"Because you never think about being with a dancer?" Jackson asked suddenly and Sungjin laughing on purpose.

Jae just shrug his shoulders.

Okay, what is that, actually? What's with his shrugging his shoulders to answered Jackson? Does that mean he never thinking of being with a dancer as his girlfriend? Is Jackson implying me as the dancer in his question? What are they always talking about dancer actually? Are they talking about us with each other?

"We're not bad girls." Suzy whining suddenly. "Okay, we might look bad when we're dancing, but we, Rey especially, is a good girl in relationships." She touch my shoulder.

I look at her frowning. "What's with this random topic?" I look at the boys faces one by one. "What are you talking about before, actually?"

"It's not us though. It's the jerks behind..." Dowoon stop his talking because of Sungjin's sharp glare to him.

"It's not that serious, really." Sungjin trying to assuring us.

"Just boys being boys." Ayeon added.

But I look at Jae who looking at me. I can't quiet read his expressions right now. Is he annoyed? Afraid? Confused? Angry?

And they're not explaining it any further but talking about Dowoon's new haircut instead.

"You look manlier." I said and he touching his black hair make it messy. And that gesture is indeed manly.

"Now I'm agree with that." Ayeon said while nodding her head.

"Good lord, finally." Sarcast.

"But why you make your voice manlier?" Suzy asked.

"I'm not."

"It is indeed his voice. As deep as the ocean." Wonpil successfully make us doing puke gesture.

"Our business man has arrived!" Sungjin announced brightly.

We turn our gaze to Younghyun who is walking behind me, Suzy, Ayeon, and Jackson.

"Done already?" He asked in a stressful look on his face, his hair is messy too.

"Of course!" Dowoon answered.

"But we got it recorded." Now Jackson's words bring a smile to his face.

Why though? Is he expecting it that much?

"How's the quiz?" Suzy asked.

"Well, at least I'm survived."

"You need food, then. How about a curry rice? I know the best curry in town, perfect for a celebration." Sungjin has decided our hang out place, because when he propose something, no one will reject it. We might protest once or twice, but in the end, we following his guidance anyway.

Simply because it's Sungjin. Everything about that guy is trustworthy. A family-guy with a strong dependable vibe. I wondering why he still single. But then again, not everyone wants to be in a relationship, and Sungjin kind of give me the feel of 'I'm fine alone, thank you.' all this time I know him.

"We're gonna change first." Suzy told them and they agreed to wait us in the parking lot.

-

  
Me and Jae arrive first at the restaurant Sungjin's talked about because Jae's motorbike surely is faster than Wonpil's car. Yes, Wonpil has a car. The house the boys live together here too, apparantly are Wonpil's.

We booked a table for 9 people and we got the coziest side of this restaurant. It kind of in the back of the restaurant but it's so spacious. I like spacious room or place because when there's many people comes, it'll be less suffocating.

We're sitting next to each other in the corner side of the arranged table, and we got silent. It's kind of awkward, by the way, because of what he said earlier about dancer's outfit that too revealing.

"So, never thinking about being with a dancer, huh?" I brave myself to brought that topic up.

"I never know any dancer in my life before, so that is kind of..." He thinking the best word.

"Out of your league?"

He thinking about my words for awhile, "Yeah, maybe."

"We're human just like the others."

"I never mean it like that, you know it." He stare at me deep. "It's just dancers are always so cool and popular and there must be many guys who want to be with the dancers. Like... it actually is out of my circle."

I silence.

"There must be many guys that wants to be with you." His gaze is full of unconfident of himself.

Why, though?

"You're just assuming things."

"You just don't realize it yet."

We staring at each other.

"Is this about the guys Dowoon mentioned earlier who sat behind you?"

He turn his gaze away from me.

"What did they say?"

"They're jerks, you don't have to know that."

"Is it really that bad?"

"Just forget about it, Reyna."

And silence again.

"Looks like you're the one who can't forget about it. You know I can always ask Ayeon about that, right?"

"It's something we, boys, always thinking about girls. Especially to girls who wear revealing sexy clothes, we can't help it. It's just... doesn't feel good when I'm hearing it, because they're talking about someone I know. You. They're talking about you. And I don't like hearing it." Somehow his voice raise by one octav, like he feels frustrated at himself.

I hear our friends voices closing in to our table.

"You better to not knowing it." We stare to each other again, deeper. But drowning in our own thoughts.

"Uhm, am I... interrupting something again...?"

I turn my head to Suzy who stop her walking near the other edge of this table.

"What do you mean? We're waiting for you, let's sit and order something, we're hungry. What take you guys so long?"

But me and Jae don't talk that much until we finish dinner.

-


	9. Chapter 9

 

I see Jae sit on one of the swing in the playground near my house. It's 1AM and we literally met just a couple of hours ago, but he called me, woke me up from my sleep, makes me walking here with sleepy eyes.

"Whatever you want to say right now, Jae, can you wait for at least 6 hours?" I grumbling to him, sit in the swing beside him.

"I'm sorry for waking you up, but this is important, it's really disturbing me and I can't sleep because of it."

I glare at him, still annoyed.

"I'm sorry, Reyna."

"For what?"

"For getting mad at you because wearing revealing clothes."

I'm looking at him, "You're exaggerating."

I know the story from Ayeon, eventhough she insist that she didn't hear what's the group of man behind them talking about me and Suzy when we performed. But Ayeon told us that Jae got angry at them, told them to shut up. But that group of man got angry too because Jae acted like a mood breaker, they asked Jae to shut his mouth instead. They got intense and Jae lost his control of himself, almost hit one of them, but Sungjin and the others were hold him as best as they could to prevent a fight.

What in the world the man talking about us, though? It must be really bad to made Jae reacted that way to them, right? Is it just like what Ayeon always say? Boys being boys, thinking dirty about us? Jae said about that too at the curry restaurant, saying they were talking about something that boys, even himself, thinking when they see girls in sexy revealing clothes.

Is that what made him angry?

"I was so angry... with myself."

"With yourself?"

"Yes." His head looking down to avoiding my gaze.

"Why?"

"Because I'm one of them before."

I'm waiting. I know it's not easy to confess something, but I really appreciate what he's doing right now. Because it means he thinking about me.

"I was thinking like what they're thinking about you when I saw you dance for the first time. I am just as jerks as them. But the worst part is, after I know you, I feel like I own you. I don't want people, mostly boys, talking about you that way, while the truth is I did the same in the past." He lift up his head finally, "Then I got mad at you because I think you were the one who made them thinking like that. 'They won't thinking about it if you're not wearing that sexy clothes in the first place' that kind of think. I'm sorry for blaming it to you." He finally turn his head to me, look me in the eye. "I got sulky about it, and screamed frustratedly at you at the restaurant, and made you feel uncomfortable through dinner. I'm sorry fot that, I don't want us to be awkward."

Silence.

"I'm sorry that I acted like I own you."

I'm gulping down once. I understand. I understand most of his concern, but really, I can't do anything about it either. My outfit is a part of the performance. I understand that maybe he can't bear hearing what boys talking about me, but what can I do to that?

I sigh, "But do you know, Jae? People, especially boys, can always have that kind of thinking about girls, no matter what clothes we wear."

"Right, I just realized it too. It's just..."

"I can't do anything about it. They can thinking whatever they want, whether I wear reaveling clothes or not."

Silence again.

"But what should I do? It's the part of the performance and it's something that I love to do."

"I know, that's why I feel really bad to mad at you earlier. I know what it feels like to doing things we love, I live like that, too. That's why... I... I really am sorry."

We staring at each other.

"I guess you should just act like you don't know me everythime you hear about that from them. As long as nothing bad happen to me."

He's not respon to my words for long and I sense that it's a hard thing for him. I sense that it will always be an issue between us, no matter what relationship we would had in the future.

"I'll figure out something to handle that." He looking down again, make me sure enough about what I felt.

It's really bothering him.

"So we're good, right?" He asked, lifting up his eyebrows to me.

"Of course." I shrug my shoulders.

It's not a big deal for me, though. I really don't care about what people think of me, I've done worrying about that long time ago. I aware of that issue already, it's not a big deal anymore. As long as nothing extreme happen to me, people can think what they want to think about me. I'm not doing any crimes or anything like that, so I don't want to bother it anymore. That is art, exactly. To have a freedom to express, to think, to speak.

As long as nothing bad happen to me.

Case closed, at least for me. For Jae, I'm not sure. But let him do something about it in his way. It's up to him, how he's going to react upon that issue is completely up to him.

Jae takes me home after that, he get off from his motorbike and take off his helmet too after me.

"Friendly hug?"

Dear god, why? Why there should be 'friend' before the hug? Is he still in unsure-stage? Is the issue one of the reason of his uncertainty of me? Or is he really just think of me as his friend? We talked about this acts that lead to false hope before, but why in the world he still doing this to me?

But hugging, we are.

"I'm sorry, Reyna."

"Thank you, though. For being a caring friend." I don't know anymore I just play along with him if that's really what he want.

Friends? Let's do it, then. Let's see how far we'll go, then.

He staring at me long after we done the hugging part. His eyes wondering though. I see he's kind of contemplating about whether or not we should talk it out, but he can't decide. Apparently.

Or it's just me assuming things. Maybe he's thinking about something else.

I need sleep.

"You look sleepy." Finally that's what come out of his mouth, and he smiling softly. The smile that he used to gave me in Music class before we seat beside each other.

"Yeah, about that. Do you really can't wait until the sun is up? You ruined my resting time, I have a morning class tomorrow... or today." I'm complaining.

He laugh a little, "I'm sorry. It's because I can't sleep before this thing is clear between us."

What thing clear, though? You have another important thing to be cleared, honestly. Is that not disturbing your sleep so you keep avoid to talk about it? Or should I brought the topic first?

Am I too confident in this matter? What if he really just want us to be friends? I'll be an embarassing overconfident clown, then.

"Go inside then, sleepyhead."

I give him a thankful smile, "See you on Friday."

"We might be seeing each other tomorrow."

I frown, "For what?" Music class is on Friday, though.

"I don't know I just have an intuition."

I frowning deeper and shaking my head.

"My intuition is rather good."

"Okay, can I go inside now?"

"Alright, not gonna hold you anymore. Sleep." He nodded his head once, "Goodnight, Reyna."

-

  
"Friendzone confirmed." Suzy said after I told everything about Jae that night.

"He's a coward." Ayeon start giving his thoughts.

We laying beside each other in the living room for another sleepover time.

"He hates hearing people talking bad and dirty about you and he afraid of it. He afraid he'll be hearing it often and can't deal with it and end up blaming you again. He afraid that you're not gonna work out together because of that. Such a coward. Still a Park Jaehyung I know from high school."

Me and Suzy are looking at Ayeon in an amazement. How in the earth, someone with tiny figure, cute, sweet like her can produce that kind of words and thinking then speak it out freely without any fear?

"Baek Ayeon, my friend, did I tell you that you're amazing? I admire you for everything you say, really." Suzy compliment her.

"It's the fact, Suz."

"But not all people dare to saying a fact." Me too, compliment her.

"Yeah, some people are coward that can't even say a fact of their feelings."

I know she's implying Jae in that statement, but I feel attacked too.

"Maybe he's not feeling that way to me? Maybe he literally think of me as a friend."

Ayeon snort. "You kidding me."

"What make you so sure though?" Suzy turn his body and lift his head, using her elbow to hold her own wheight. She's lookinl at Ayeon waiting for a complete reasonable answer.

"First, I friends with him for a long time, I know a couple things about him. Second, his way of looking Reyna is something I never see from him. Third, the fact that the clothes issue is disturbing him means he care for her. Fourth, Jae is not the type of guy who actively arrange meeting alone with a girl." Ayeon stop to remembering something, "I never meet him alone, as long as I can remember, it's always with the other members unless we met coincidentally."

Ayeon turn her head to me, "But he initiated a private class for you, played bowling just with you alone gosh I never heard Jae playing bowling alone with a girl, or guy. He always in a group. And he took you home often if not everyday."

"Wait, so he never had a girlfriend before?"

"He had once, but that's just for a status, you know... high school things. And I don't think Jae is care that much about the girl, because she asked Jae out first. It wasn't last long either."

"I thought he's a guy with so many experience."

"Girls, he's a weird guy. A coward weird guy. I'm sorry Jae, but that's what people thought about you back then in high school."

"He said that to me once, that he's a weird guy that always hanging out with popular kids." I smiling. "I didn't believe him that time."

"Oh, he realized it, then. Good."

Suzy laughing. "How about you ask him out first, Rey?"

"I don't want to push him. I want him to realize and acknowledge his feelings first. I don't interfere someone's feelings."

"What if it takes too long?" Ayeon asked.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere. Besides, guys are allowed to be confused and feeling unsure, too."

"What if he decided to be friends with you forever?" Suzy asked.

"Then friends, we are."

"Or worst, being friends but keep doing that acts that lead to false hope?"

"It'll be frustrating."

"That's my point. How can you even bear with it?" Ayeon look at me, feeling frustrated already.

"Maybe after I feel frustrated enough later, I will ask him out and tell him my feelings."

"Case closed, then? For now, it's wait-and-see mode then?" Suzy asked.

"Yes." With that, I ensure myself to not setting my hope too high. I still can controling before it go too deep. Right?

"How about you, then?" I asked Ayeon. "You talked with Younghyun?"

Ayeon circle her eyeball and turn her head to Suzy.

"I told you I always tell everything to her." Suzy grins.

"There's really nothing I should talk about with him, girls. We're done a long time ago, we cleared everything up, and we're doing good as friends right now. Dowoon is just make assumption about me and Younghyun, which is invalid."

"Why you two broke up, though?" I asked out of curiousity. Because now if I'm imagining it, Ayeon and Younghyun can be the cutest CC (Campus Couple).

"Because of misunderstanding."

"Elaborate, please." Suzy is back to laying again, seeing the ceiling.

Ayeon sigh, "It's just high school. You know how everything was matter in high school, right?"

"Like who your friends are, who your boyfriend are, your grades, your status, your popularity?"

"Exactly that. I mean, we cared so much about every little things in high school, like everyday is such a drama back then. And that's what happened with me and Younghyun. I told him I'll be doing something, but that something got canceled, so I ended up hanging with my friend, a guy who was my best friend and was also his big rival, and he saw us together and I forgot to tell him about the cancellation, and you know the rest of the story. Just like any other high school drama." She takes a breath then continue, "He realized that it was a misundertanding after we broke up, and yes he wanted us to get back together, but I didn't think we're gonna work out that way anymore. I told him we should just stick to be friends. And he agreed to that, so we cleared. Really. No string attached."

"I'm amazed that you can still be friends."

"Why not? We reached an understanding at each other, so it works. Now we're friends."

"But he never had any girlfriend after that."

"So does you." I added to Suzy that throwing a fact.

"It's because I don't find a guy who attracts me yet. I'm sure it's the same with him."

"Are you sure it's not because he still hoping  for you to go back to him?"

"100% sure. And I'm not saying this because I know you like him, Suz."

"But I don't like him that way, I just fans him. And I'm not saying this because I know your past story."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"So you don't have any intention to date him?"

"No, unless he wanted it." Suzy sounds so sure about it.

"Why you two are not doing anything? Are you the type of girls that wait for a guy to make the first move?"

"Yes." We answered in the same time.

"I'm the type that only get interested in guy who interested in me first. I don't waste my time with those who clearly doesn't have intention to be with me." Suzy tell us a fact, that I already know.

"Do you feel that Younghyun is interested in you?" I asked Suzy.

"No. What do you think, Ayeon?"

"Right now? No."

"My point exactly."

"Not yet." Ayeon corrected her answer.

Silence.

"If you make a move, maybe he will." Ayeon said again.

"I don't want to intentionally do that, que sera sera. If universe want us to have a thing, then I'm open."

"Whatever will be, will be."

Maybe that's why me and Suzy can be together for a long time. Our mindset is kind of similar.

-


	10. Chapter 10

 

Me and Jae are getting closer to each other in the next weeks, as friends. We can talk about almost everything, as random as it could be, like why can't it be play-time everyday and why there should be a lot of assignments to prove we are talented. Or another time when he asking should he grow a mullet or have a jedi's tail for his next hairstyle.

Everything was so friend-thingy after that night. Except for his touching. He often circling his hand on my shoulders, or lean in to it. He likes ruffling the front of my hair too, messing it before we saying goodbye after hang out together with the others. Sometimes he link his arm to mine while we walking side by side in a hallway, or park, or around the lake. And his regular friendly hug. Always friendly hug, everytime.

I don't know what he's thinking exactly. To this point, isn't that clear already that he indeed just want us to be friends forever? But why I still hoping? Why I still have this tiny little wish for him to make us official someday? It's frustrating really, just like what Ayeon predicted.

But I don't want to lose this silent battle with him, I don't want to be the first person to brought up this topic. And it's kind of confusing because sometimes I feel like he knew that I like him more than just friends, but sometimes he acted like he really clueless about it. We keep playing around the bush, never really get to where we wanted it to be. Is he really still unsure about me because of that clothes issue? If he really want us to be just friends, then can he just stop all the touching? And all the acts that lead to false hope?

"Are you busy this weekend?" He asked after our class with Professor Park. His right hand is circling around my shoulders while we walking in the hallway, the others walking in front of us.

Suzy is talking with Ayeon, the rest of DAY6 members are teasing Jackson I don't know about what this time. We're heading to the cafetaria to lunch, just like we always do.

Me and Suzy needs extra carbo to face Professor Park again in an hour.

"Not really."

"We have a stage in Busan, you should come. It'll be near the beach, and I think it will be fun going to the beach before winter comes. It can be relaxing your mind."

We walk in the cafetaria and our conversation got pause because we get busy ordering food.

"Oh it sounds exciting! Isn't that great before we're facing final exam?" Suzy asked and Ayeon nodded her head in the middle of her eating.

"We can rent a villa for us all." Jackson added. "Let's find some affordable villa first."

Wonpil cough one time, "Actually, Jackson... guys, you can just stay at my BnB."

Jackson put down his phone, "Of course, that's Wonpil we know." He high five Wonpil. "I already know he would say that, actually."

We all laughing at that.

"It'll be fun really." Jae whisper to me.

I'm anticipating it too, but I'm so hungry that I rather keep my focus on the food than the talking.

"Eat slowly, can you?" Jae looking at me.

"I'm really hungry."

Jae still walking with me to the practice room after lunch. Suzy went first already with Ayeon, and everyone go in their separate ways. DAY6 members has a practice after this, but Jae insist to accompany me first to the building so that I won't feel lonely.

I'm not lonely, though.

"Hey, Rey." A friend from Gayo Dance class greet me when we coincidentally meet in the hallway. We're ended up walking together because we're going to the same class. His name is Jaebum and he really is a great dancer. Idol material, too. And he has a nice solid R&B voice.

And here comes the time when I feel Jae is acting more like a boyfriend rather than a friend. It can't be seen, but I feel it. It's there, the tension. Like he jealous, like he don't like me talking to him.

Maybe it's just my other imagination.

"About the final assignments, want to do it with me?"

"I'm planning to do it with Suzy, as always."

"Are you sure? I have an exciting concept for us."

I look at him, "I'll discuss with Suzy first."

"If you girls okay, we can start practicing tomorrow."

"She can't, she already had planning for this weekend." Jae jumped in the conversation just like that.

I see Jaebum frowning his head a little and I give him an apologetic smile, "He's Jae, by the way. From Music class."

"I know you, man. DAY6. I'm Jaebum, same class with her in Gayo Dance." Jaebum smile to Jae.

"Nice to meet you, Jaebum." Jae smile to be polite.

"I don't want to get a wrong idea, so... are you guys a thing?"

"Friends. We're friends." I answered that and Jae looking at me strangely, so I give him a 'what?' with my eyes.

"Close friends." He corrected it.

I really sick of this.

"Right." Jaebum smile awkwardly. "So, let me know if you agree with my offer?"

"Sure."

"You can call me."

I nodded my head and Jaebum excuse to go first to the class.

"Don't call him." Jae said right after Jaebum disappear from our sight.

I sigh, "I don't even have his number."

"Really?"

"But why, though? I can call every guy I want to call."

"Don't you feel that he's kind of forcing you to do the assignment together?"

"No, he asking nicely."

"Huh, tell me about it."

"He said what he wanted to do clearly, bravely, nicely."

He silence but I keep walking, I don't have time for this.

"He's a good dancer, he can get a perfect score for this assignment even if he do it alone, yet he want to do it with us."

"Isn't that mean he has other intention? He can do it alone with no problem, why make things complicated by doing it together with other people? With you?"

"With me and Suzy, not just with me."

"But he personally asking you."

"And I appreciate that."

He silence again.

"And it's good to work something with different people, I'll get different knowledge about dancing. I should be thankful that he considering to do it with me."

We arrive in front of my practice room, we stop and standing in front of each other, staring. Here's the time again when I feel Jae is really like me more than a friends.

"Okay, you should considering his offer, but don't forget about our weekend."

I smile, "Of course, Suzy surely will talking about it all night, how can I forget?"

I like that Jae always trying hard to not own me like he did before. I mean, he always realize when he about to going too far over the line, so he step back right away.

"Figthing for your practice, then."

"You, too. Have fun, I see you tomorrow, we'll pick you up at 9."

"Sure."

He's not forget to rumbling my front hair before he go. And I just sigh like always.

-

 

"Yerin?"

The girl in flowery dress turn her head to me frowning, but after she see my face, she smiling right away.

"Reeeey?" She's walking fast to me with her smile wider on her face.

We hug each other, screaming excitedly because of this nice coincidental meeting. I just arrived here at Wonpil's BnB with the others.

"Oh my god, what are you doing here?!" She asked in even more exciting voice. Her voice is still the same with what I remember from back then.

"I'm with Suzy, too."

"Oh my god, where is she?!" She's looking here and there to my accompanion, and I just realized there's Jae, Sungjin, Dowoon, and Jackson with me, looking at her curiously.

Suzy, Ayeon, Wonpil, and Younghyun is doing something about our room check-in in the resepsionist.

"She'll be here in a minute. Meanwhile, here is my friend from the school." I introduce her and they greet each other, exchange their name one by one.

"Okay, it's kind of confusing to remember all of you right away." Yerin said and everyone laughing and told her to not bothering it.

"You can just call us handsome guy 1, handsome guy 2, 3, and so on." Jackson said jokingly.

And Yerin laughing so genuinely I miss that because the last time I saw her, she's so much in despair. She looks so fine right now.

"OH MY GOD, IS THAT BAEK YERIN?!" Suzy shouts behind us, and the moment Yerin turn herself, Suzy's screaming got louder.

Everyone close their eyes because of that. And like me, they're hugging each other tightly. Then the scene from a minute ago is replaying, she greet Ayeon, Younghyun, and Wonpil, trying to remember their name.

"Actually, I am one of the guest of this festival." She said.

"Oh my god really?" Me and Suzy respon altogether in unison. Then we congratulates and compliment her, and feeling excited about it, told her that here our friend, DAY6, will be performing too, in the same event.

"So you stay here, too?" Sungjin asked.

"Yes, I'm in 3rd floor."

"We're in the 2nd. Are you alone?" Suzy asked a little bit worry.

"I'm with Choi Ahjussi as always."

"Choi Ahjussi is here too?!" Me and Suzy once again getting excited about it.

Yerin nodded her head and laughing. "Oh, so you guys gonna be on rehearsal too, right? In an hour?" Yerin looking at the boys.

"Yes, apparantly." Sungjin said.

"Let's check-in first, guys. Get ready before the rehearsal." Wonpil announced us to move.

The boys following Wonpil's direction afer saying 'See you later' to Yerin, while me, Suzy, Ayeon, and Jackson still sit here on the sofa lobby, talking a little bit more with Yerin reminiscing our past before we go in separate ways because she should get something to eat first before the rehearsal. We promised to catching up with each other later.

 

"Yerin is our high school friend." I start explaining it to Ayeon after we changed to more comfortable outfit to see the festival.

"Just for the first year of high school, because her family move to Seoul after the end of semester." Suzy added, walking out of the bathroom.

"We're kind of close."

"Yeah, right. She's the kindest and modest girl I've ever met." Suzy said.

"And she got to perform in this festival, too? She's amazing! She was alone? A solo singer?"

"Yeah, a singer-songwriter."

"She's brilliant. Her musicality is good, might be strange for some people, but it's genius for some other."

"I'm in the side that thinks her music is genius."

"You should check it yourself. She's so soulful."

"I actually can't wait for it. I mean, the fact that she's a soloist alone is already makes me curious about her. She must be popular to be in the line-up?"

"Maybe she's popular in her cureent school, I don't even know how to be in a line-up?"

"By registering the team or individual, but no one knows what criteria to be chosen as a final line-up. This considered a big festival for music students, and in the past years, the line-up seems filled with popular kids from their school." Ayeon explains.

"She got more popular, confirmed."

"She also looks fine than before, don't you think?" I asked Suzy.

"Yeah, but we don't know it, Rey. She always looks fine back then, too."

Ayeon frowning her forehead, "Okay, I'm lost."

"I'm sorry, it's just... Yerin have some kind of..." My words are hanging and I look at Suzy for help.

"Bubble? Around her?"

Ayeon's frowning got deeper.

"She can be out of this world, sometimes. Like she was fine one time, but suddenly she can be like a depressed person...?"

"Like she's in her own different world from us?"

"And she always stay away from people too, when it happened."

"And she tend to change her mind quickly. Like one time she wants red but a second later she change her mind to blue."

"She has an extreme mood swing."

Me and Suzy explaining alternately.

"I heard that's one of the reason her family moved to Seoul, to give a proper treatment about it." Suzy said to me.

"But it works, apparantly. She looks brighter, more cheerful."

"Agreed."

"Girls, come on! Rehearsal time!" Jackson knocked our door twice and we all get up, ending this introduction about Yerin to Ayeon.

-

 

I stop talking to Jae when Yerin walking up the stage for her rehearsal, and I screaming with the others. Yerin got surprised because of that, not expecting there'll be people screaming in an empty venue at the rehearsal time. So she waving at us who sit on the beach sand excitingly.

It's another perfect autumn weather, the sky is clear blue, the sun shines bright, the wind is blowing not too hot as summer even we're in a beach right now. It might get colder in the night later, but right now, it's rather perfect. And one thing that adding the perfection is, the sound of wave back and forth hitting the sand. It's relaxing. And kind of healing.

"She must be very popular to be chosen as a line-up." Jae said to me.

Ayeon heard that and give me a look of 'I told you.'

"It's surprising because she's a female soloist." Sungjin asked. "How do you know her?"

"She's our friend from high school." Suzy said.

"She's pretty." Wonpil can't take his eyes off of her.

"Her music is great." I said when Jae come closer to me to get the chips in my hand and playing with that, he's not moving out his hand from the chips bag on purpose when he know I'm waiting, to annoyed me.

He grins.

But the moment Yerin starts to sing, Jae stop his movement, he freeze and got surprise in a second then turn his head to the stage, watching Yerin who already got immersed in her song.

One thing that always stand out about Yerin singing is, just like Ayeon, she has that ability to drown people to her song. She deliver her song with such an emotion, and with her soul R&B voice, it's hard to just listen to her, people always got immerse with her singing even when they're not intended to be immersed. Just like all the people here right now, including DAY6 members.

And Jae.

Especially Jae.

"Damn she got beautiful tone of voice." Younghyun whispering, still not blinking his eyes or moving himself a little bit from his position.

"Take notes at her song, too." Wonpil respon. "It's her own composing."

"How do you know?" Suzy asked curious because we never told the boys that she's a singer-songwriter.

"Because it's uniqe, not like something we ever heard." Younghyun answered and Wonpil nodded his head.

"Major. Is she sing in major?" Sungjin asked to no one particular.

"Yes, it's major. But the intro starts in minor, guys." Ayeon said, noticing it too.

"And the lyrics, guys. It's seriously genius." Younghyun added again.

"I don't understand a single thing you guys talking, but the song is catchy and easy listening." Jackson commented.

"Different with the usual blues that kind of hard to follow." Even Dowoon has something to say.

Meanwhile, me and Suzy looking at each other, completely lost, and just shrug our shoulders in the end. I take a glance at Jae, and noticing something happen to him right now.

Because he still freezing.

He look at Yerin like he hypnotized by it. Like there's no other people in this venue except him. He's drowning, not blinking. Completely go out of this world. Right then I know that it's happening to him, that magical feeling people talking about. That magical feeling I felt when I see him performed for the first time. The once in a lifetime thing.

The zing.

Ayeon and Suzy seems notice it too, because they look at Jae, then to me, then frowning their forehead to me, asking 'is he really...?' with their eyes.

Yes, the zing.

-


	11. Chapter 11

 

We all go to the local sea food after the festival. It's almost midnight but no one complaining when the boys munching their food so eagerly because they only ate snacks through the festival. Yerin follow us, with Choi Ahjussi supervisioning everything from a table not far from us. That Ahjussi is still recognizing me and Suzy, and he doesn't change that much, in appearance, from what we remember. He still the same Ahjussi we knew from high school.

Yerin is smiling everytime and soon become the main star of the night. DAY6 members curious about her, they asked anything music related to her after we finish our dinner.

I sits between Jae and Jackson in front of Yerin who sits between Younghyun and Suzy, but because the conversation only going around music right now, Yerin's head only tilt to her right, to Younghyun and the rest of the DAY6 members.

To Jae too.

And Jae actively asking and commenting everything, with so much passion in his eyes, like finally after awhile, he meet someone who is in the same level as him in music terms.

Ayeon who sits beside Suzy somehow noticed it way before me or Suzy that still trying miserably to keep up with the conversation. But soon enough, when they discuss deeper about music that we don't really understand, me and Suzy give up, giving a look to each other, and to Ayeon, who also give us a meaningful look. So that's why Ayeon is not that excited to talk about music with them eventhough she's a music student too. She realized it makes the others feel left out.

And she sensed it when me and Suzy are finally left out from this encounter for the first time since we've been hang out together.

Jackson somehow understand it. He noticed while the three of us gave meaningful look to each other, and he somehow get it. I'm surprised, though. He tap my back twice as an encouragement and nodded his head twice as a sign that he understands too.

Meanwhile Dowoon, who sits with the members at the other edge of this table far from us, is another human that left out miserably, because like us here, he too not understand that much about musical terms. He only mastering beat. And when we exchange gaze with him, he look at us with 'help me to get out of here' with his pleading eyes.

Jackson laughing in silent because of that and he do something quietly. He move one of the empty chair from other table near him to the edge of our side. Literally in the end of table, makes it look like a leader chair, but Dowoon doesn't care and just stand up quietly.

But Yerin seems notice it so she say, "I'm sorry you must be bored with the conversation."

Am I say already that Yerin is smart to reading people's gesture? Like she good at knowing the situation, the one's intention, or the one's real desired, simply just by their actions. Just like what happened with Dowoon.

Yerin must be noticed that Dowoon is not talking, unlike the other members, and she must be assuming he isn't a music-person, so he move from his seat to our side to make himself more comfortable.

"Don't get the wrong idea, I like your music and performance, but let's just divide this table to music side..." He point at Jae's side and move his finger to the end of the table where Sungjin sits, "...and non-music side." Then he point out his hand to us. "So we all can feel comfortable." He laughing, so does Jackson.

Meanwhile the girls are trying hard to hold back the laughing we just smiling and nodded my head.

"I'm sorry, we can talk about something else instead."

"No need to do that, they must be curious to death about your musical experience. Besides, they can't talk about music deeper with us, so it must be like an oasis in a dessert for them." Ayeon give that information nicely to Yerin.

"We just gave up to understand the conversation." Suzy moving her hand to us to give Yerin idea who she meant by 'we' in her sentence.

"Is that mean you learned about music, too?" She look at us alternately.

"Yes, but we're kind of suck at it."

"You're not." Jae look at me, finally. Is it the first time he look at me since we arrived here at the restaurant?

"Do you know your friend here has a perfect pitch?" Sungjin stated that information like it was an amazing skill. He said one time that it's not that great though, to having a perfect pitch.

"You too, Park Sungjin. I know you're saying that so that I can say it the same about you."

"Oh, Rey! You can tell notes?!"

"Yes, I finally learned how to do that."

"Oh my god, you too, then?" Suzy nodded her head. "It's really a nice thing to know." Yerin look at us like she is proud of us. "They never interested in music back then in high school. I mean, they're over the heals about dancing, and push everything else out." Yerin explains to the boys.

"Well, we learned it by force, so what you expect?" Jackson jump in the conversation.

"We survived, at least." Dowoon added. He make a beat with his fingers on the table, looks more relax than before.

"Your hard works and efforts would become a fruity one day, guys." Yerin encouraging us.

"Have you ever thinking to try dancing?" Ayeon asked. "I mean, it kind of got me thinking these days, female soloist who can dance always has a better chance in industry."

"No, I just focusing on music. I can't do anything else." Yerin look at Ayeon with afirmation.

"I want to learn dance sometimes." Jackson said out of nowhere, "I have an athletic physic, maybe that will do with dancing."

"Actually, Jackson, it is. Acrobatic dance is popular these days, you should try it. It slowly become a trend." I look at Jackson.

"If I really take dancing class would you help me?"

"Of course."

"Why her?" Jae asked right away.

"Because I want it." Jackson mocking him.

"You shouldn't force her to do something she doesn't wanted to do."

"It's not forcing, Jae. It's asking. I don't want to do it, but because he asked nicely for it, I'll help."

Suzy and Ayeon smiling at that with full of understanding about what is Jackson's intention by that.

"You were like that too, with Jaebum."

"Yes, because he nicely offering something to me."

"And you just gonna accept everything people offer or ask you to?"

"As long as it's not a bad thing, why not?"

It get intense somehow and everyone's listen.

"She's not accepting Jaebum though." Suzy state a fact.

"Yet." I said upset. "I might change my mind. Professor Park want us to separate anyway." I look at Suzy.

Suzy nodded her head, "A good decision. He's a good dancer."

But Jae got silent after that, well at least to me. Because he talking with Yerin and other boys just fine. Why though?

Why I feel upset by it? What's wrong with him? Is he mad at me again? Is he makes me feel left out like this on purpose because he mad at me? What did I do wrong again this time?

 

  
Yerin walking beside me when we back to our staying place and she said sorry and I don't get why she's saying that.

"I feel like I made you guys feeling left out through the entire dinner."

"It's true, but it's not a big deal, Yerin. Really, just forget it. I know what it feels to meet someone musically good, I mean, on the same level as them. They just feel excited about it."

"But still... I feel..."

"Don't, really. We see each other every friday, we can always talk about anything else later."

"I'm still sorry, okay. I just feel the need to say this to you." She's thinking for awhile.

"It's fine, just don't think about it too much, okay?"

She smile, "I get better day by day, Rey. Thanks to you."

"Thank yourself, it's because you're strong."

She smiling again but looking down this time. "It's really good to meet you and the others here. Can we catching up, sometimes? We live in Seoul, though."

"Oh my god, sure. Your number is still the same?"

"Yeah, it's the same."

"I'll call you, then."

"Good to know. I might be leaving so early tomorrow morning, so thank you for today. For cheering me out earlier, for a great dinner, for letting me tag along with you, it was nice."

"It's nothing. You're alone, how can I let you eat dinner alone?"

She laughs, "I'm with Ahjussi though. Ah, it's really a good day."

I'm smiling to her.

Is it really a good day? Why this upsetting feeling lingers in me, though?

-

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

Jae apologize again the next day, but I'm not sure he gets what's the real problem is. It's frustrating because now I feel like a coward whenever I want to talk about it. I guess that's what happened when we're being in friendzone for a long time, things just become... friend-y. And I let many things slip and forgotten just like that with a friend, because I always try to be considerate.

So when Jae talked and apologized to me, confessed what he did wrong that night at the restaurant, I let it pass again. I let it slip and I forget about it once again. Maybe it's my ego to win this push and pull game, or maybe it's just how things go with him. Or maybe because I really am just his friend.

We regularly back to be a close friend again. Everything seems fine again, and I don't feel anything when he asked about Yerin's number one day, told me there's something he need to discuss about music with her.

I'm totally fine with it, because why should I not?

But that is the start, actually. A new start for him, and it progressing fast. The members already teasing him about her everytime we hang out together. Yerin's name always mentioned from their mouth, and everytime it happened, Jae's name tag along with it.

He met her once or twice, apparantly. Dowoon told us one day and I'm not surprise. Why am I not surprise, though? It hurts hearing it honestly. But what can I do to that?

 

Wonpil comes to me and ask suddenly when we, the girls, having coffees in a cafe after our classes, "Why you give him her number? Are you stupid?"

And I feel angry hearing that.

"Well, excuse me Kim Wonpil, what do you mean by that?" Suzy in a defense mode, so does Ayeon with her gaze.

"Why don't you fight for him?"

He knew. I realize then Wonpil knew about my feeling, probably all the DAY6 members knew it too.

"Am I the only fool here, really?" I asked to him in disbelieve. Seriously? Like?? Why he only blaming it on me?

"The truth is, you're both fools. Fooling each other's feelings." Wonpil stated a fact. He sounds so disappointed with me and Jae's acts.

"Well, tell your friend to fight for her first. To make up his mind and stop giving false hope." Ayeon said with full anger.

"She should give him a solid signs first, he always unsure about her." Seems like Wonpil is planning to spill everything today.

"I did so many times." Wonpil and Ayeon stop looking at each other in angry, both turns their head to focus on me.

"Well, it wasn't enough."

"Why should I be the one who do that? Why it's not him who make a move? Why me?"

"Because you're out of his circle, you're different from any girls that want to be with him all this time, you're popular and every guys want you, he feel insecure about that."

"He is popular too, for god's sake. Is he never thinking I might feel the same too?"

Wonpil get silence.

Ayeon and Suzy too.

"It's a mess right now. They're official today, Jae and Yerin."

Wonpil's voice hit me like a thunder, but a predicted one. I felt it these days, after Jae asked me her number, I felt it. When Dowoon said about him meeting her once or twice, I already sure of it. But what can I do to that?

I'm a stupid, a fool, just like what Wonpil say. I really am.

I'm not fighting for someone I really want, yes. I'm the type to just wait-and-see, yes. But the fact that Jae made up his mind this fast with Yerin is confirming that he wasn't like me that much. The fact that he didn't fight for me too is confirming that he's fine with us for just being friends.

It's just kind of upsetting because I keep thinking about his acts all this time. All his acts that makes me thinking he wanted me more than just a friend. All leads to false hope, indeed.

"You like him that way, right?" Wonpil then making himself sure about his assumption. He look at me with an indication of 'then why you can still so calm like this?' because of the way I responding the news.

"I like him, but I don't want to push him. I want him to realize about his feelings by himself, not by someone persuade him, especially me."

"What an effortless act."

"Stop blaming her, can you?" Ayeon glaring again at him.

"I thought he will realize it eventually, but that zing happened to him, and I kind of noticed it. I never expecting it, but then he really do something about it and Yerin is indeed a nice and kind person, they really look good together, and they can talk about music all they want, Yerin will never get lost from the conversation and Jae will always happy about it." I let out everything I don't even care if they understand my words because that's what I feel and think in my head right now, and my mind is kind of mess right now.

They all silent and looking at me, now with apologetic looks on their faces.

"It just... can't be helped. We talked about this false hope thing firsthand, actually. Me and Jae. He aware of it already, he aware that I'm afraid of it. But if I think about it again, all of it is not fully his fault. Maybe he really is unsure about me, I understand it completely that maybe he needed more times to make up his mind. I just feel so unfortunate because in those time he needed to make up his mind, he gave me those nice and sweet acts that surely got me hoping for him."

"My goodness, Rey..." Suzy move to sit beside me to hug me and giving me pats. It relaxes me always. Suzy's pats on my back always relaxes me in a strange way.

And to my surprise, Ayeon is doing the same. And it not less relaxing than Suzy's. They're both really feel my frustrations, then try to distuingish it from me.

Wonpil on the other hand, can't say anything about it. He just staring into space wondering, got silence for awhile, drawning in his thought.

But then he sigh, "We kind of predicting you both ended up together, you know?"

I look at him after I give a sign to Suzy and Ayeon that I'm okay. "Why?"

"Because it's the first time Jae show interest in a girl. I mean, really by his own will, not because we force him to do so."

Ayeon give me a look 'told you' as her reaction to Wonpil's words.

"And so with Yerin? Do you see that Jae is interested in Yerin, too?"

"Yerin isn't here. We don't hang out with her so we don't know. It just happened suddenly, so fast. We teased him about it, but we never expect he's really give a try with her. It's just.... a complete mess right now. It's not what we intended to do." Wonpil sounds so frustrated himself.

"That damn zing." Suzy whisper very quietly to herself.

"What zing you talking about anyway?" Wonpil frown his forehead.

"It's from Hotel Transylvania." Ayeon said, short, doesn't want to explain it any further.

I see Wonpil thinking about it before he asked again, "Is it the thing when the vampire girl falling in love at the first sight with a human?"

"Exactly."

"Rey had it with Jae. At Inauguration night when you guys performed." Suzy giving out a fact.

"I just don't know what should I called it, so I use that to explain what I felt that time."

"And Jae had it too with Yerin? When? How did you know?" Wonpil look at me.

"In that festival you guys met Yerin. I noticed he's frozen looking at Yerin on stage when she was rehearsing."

"Maybe you saw wrong."

I laugh hopelessly, "Maybe, but he's with her right now."

I feel Suzy touch again on my back.

"But I'm glad though. Yerin is a good and kind girl, I'm glad that she met Jae." I look at Suzy, "Yerin is our friend."

"Of course." Suzy shrugs her shoulder. "I didn't cursed at Yerin, I cursed at the zing."

"Aaaah, so unfortunate. You guys are so close to become a couple." Wonpil sighing deep.

"Rey, I know it's not a right time, but... I need to ask you if I can write something from this into a song...?" Ayeon asked very carefully.

I look at her, "Oh my god, Ayeon, sure you can. I'm glad that it can be something useful for someone!"

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, let me know when it's done, okay? I want to hear it."

"You're tough, Rey." Wonpil shaking his head can't believe what he just witnessed in front of him. "I think Younghyun will write something about this, too." Then he grins.

 

But that's just what Wonpil see from my outer-self, because inside, I'm breaking. When we got home, with just one changing look between me, Suzy, and Ayeon, my tears fall. I'm crying in their embrace. Not kind of cry that loud with screaming in desperation or something like that, but a quiet cry. A relieving cry.

Not solely because I am sad with this ending, but more like I am freeing myself from this frustrated feelings that finally meets an end. With this tears I swear, no more hoping for Jae.

We're friends no matter what.

I'm done wondering. I'm done hoping.

-


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jae's point of view

 

"I thought you like Rey?" Jackson asked without any opening hi or hello when he arrive here at our practice room.

I don't know how the news spreading so fast between them, I just told Wonpil yesterday but everyone seems like know it already right now, although only Jackson has the gut to speak it out freely like this. The other members just giving me that glaring look of disappointment for like two hours. Judging me guilty.

But the members are right, I'm guilty. I don't want to deny it, I'm bad. And last night, my conversation with Reyna about false hope is played repeatedly on my head. I can't sleep. I never thought I'd be feeling this way. Guilty as hell. I feel bad for her, really.

I do have feelings for her, but who can expect I feel something similar for Yerin?

"I like Yerin, too." I answered Jackson then I hear someone hiss annoyingly.

"But you know Rey first!"

"Why you angry?"

"I'm not angry, I'm disappointed."

"Me too, actually. As the member of your study group, I'm the one who disappoint the most." Dowoon shaking his head in frustration. "I witnessing both of you flirting to each other every weeks just for nothing." He sigh.

"I can't help it."

"Why though? There must be a reason why you chose Yerin over her? You just met Yerin, but you feel sure already?" Sungjin asked, move everyone to the center of the problem.

The truth is I don't really know either.

"You're not confident enough with yourself? You feel like you're nothing in front of Rey because she's so popular among boys?" Wonpil asked, and it feels like he directly hit the target board precisely.

"Maybe...?"

"Have you ever thought that maybe she's feeling the same about you? You're popular too." Younghyun give a fact.

"But girls will never compete in bloody war for me like boys will do for her."

"That is clearly just your assumption." Wonpil said annoyed.

"You underestimate her feelings then." Sungjin said it with so much calmness but it hit me hard.

But that's what I concern all this time, though? Because I'm not sure that she likes me that much, I'm not sure about her feelings, that's why.

"He likes you that way Jae, if you still wondering about that." Wonpil's eye see me with the certainty that I never see it come from him before. It's like he can see or hear what's in my head.

"She say it to you?" I challenge him.

"What if she did?"

I got silence. Really? She said it to Wonpil? So she did like me that way?

"She gave many signs too!" Jackson got frustrated again.

Really? Why can't I see it, then? Why I always feel that it wasn't enough?

"I always feel like she doesn't want me that much. If we really ended up togther as a couple, I feel like someone will snatch her away from me easily. I feel like she will turn away from me easily. Because I really not enough for her. She stood so high above me."

Wonpil sigh, "Here comes the lame narrative from the unconfident guitarist of DAY6."

"So you think Yerin likes you that much that you don't feel insecure about someone will snatch her away from you?" Sungjin once again asked the important thing of my feeling.

"At least I feel ease about that with her."

Jackson throw his hands in the air to show how much he feels frustrated by my answer.

"So naive." Wonpil said.

"So stupid." Dowoon corrected it.

"Why we discussing this exactly guys? I'm the one who will go through it, why you bothering?"

"You're not the only one who will go through it, Rey will too. And I brought this up because I care for Rey, not you. She's a good person." Jackson give me a scary glare.

"Are you her guard or something?"

"If I can be one, I will. I'll protect her from a guy like you." He shake his head before leave this room.

Everyone got surprised too by Jackson's words, but no one deny him. They're already takes his side just because they don't want to be in my side.

-

 

Lunch after Music class is awkward, but the members are trying hard to make it feel like usual, like my dating news isn't a big deal. I feel Reyna is more quiet too. Even in class, she didn't asked me anything regarding Professor Park's explanation. She used to asked me everything, though. Even when the Professor gave us a duet performance as our final assignment, she wasn't flinch a little bit. Not saying anything to me about it until now.

She only respon when I asked her, and she answered it in a short way possible, I don't know if that was because we're still in the middle of the class or if that has something to do with my dating news with Yerin.

I don't like this. I don't like being strangers with her like this.

"About Professor Park's assignment, should we do it with our current partner?" Asked Wonpil suddenly.

"Of course not, but are you planning to dump me on finals?" Jackson glaring at Wonpil.

"I just asking, okay?"

"Do you have something in mind already?" Suzy asked.

"Not really." He srugs his shoulder.

"Can I do it with you, Park Sungjin?"

Sungjin almost choke in his drinking hearing that sudden question from Reyna.

"Why?" I asked her, looking at her. Why my heart beat faster, though?

"Just... to experience something new? Aren't you bored with me?" She looks at me. Her eyes unwaver even a little bit.

"Isn't it you that bored with me already?"

"I just want a different... vibes...?" She look at Sungjin for... What? Get help?

"You're always welcome, Rey. I clearly has a better vibe than him." He lend his hand and Reyna shake it right away.

"Deal, then."

I can't believe this situation. And what's with this sudden feeling of loosing I felt? She's not mine, but why I start to feel she's leaving me? I'm dating other girl, but can we just still be friends, really? Is she this childish?

"You still with me, right?" Suzy whispered to Ayeon, feeling worry too about this duet thing for finals.

It's finals after all. We should give all our best for this assignment.

"Of course!" They high five then. "I promised to help you until finals."

"A girl that true to her words. The best, really." Suzy said to Ayeon, but I don't know, somehow it's like she's mocking me with that.

Or maybe it's just me assuming things.

"Want to do it with me, Jae? You sing, I rap? It could be a magnificent performance, I swear." Jackson smile at me, clearly teasing me about it.

"I'll be with Dowoon, then." Wonpil take the chance to get away from Jackson completely. "Actually, I have something in mind and I think it will suit you." Wonpil said to Dowoon.

"What song? Do I really have to sing?"

"I Think About You by One More Chance. And yes, you HAVE to sing, how can you pass this class if you're not singing?!"

I see Reyna smile because of Wonpil's words. The first smile she show today. Am I the one who make her smile disappear all day today?

If that's the case, I'm bad.

"You really want to do it with Dowoon in the first place, aren't you? That's why you asked that question. You just want to get away from me, huh Kim Wonpil?" Jackson caught him.

And my mind is like don't belong here anymore. I just watching her and her every moves. I need to talk to her. But what should I say then? Is she even still want to talk with me after what I did to her?

But, really. Is it really just my fault? If she show me more signs that she likes me, maybe I feel sure about her already. And maybe we're together already. She did wrong too, didn't she?

Okay, I just making excuses. I really bad. I never feel so bad of myself like this.

"Earth to Park Jaehyung!" Wonpil shouts my name, "What are you thinking about? Younghyun asked you something."

"Uhm, yeah, what?" I look at Youghyun, but glance at her from the corner of my eyes, she's now looking at me. Her eyes wondering.

"Is Yerin in your mind right now, newborn-lover?" Younghyun teased.

I clear my throat. Strange that I'm not thinking about Yerin at all. I mean, I like her, she likes me too, we're dating and we're fine, no feeling of insecure, perfect. Just like how I want it to be.

Except I want it to be like that with Reyna first, not Yerin.

"How's Yerin by the way?" Suzy asked.

And I confused who should I talk to with, Younghyun or Suzy.

"She's nice." I decided to answer Suzy because I don't know how to answer Younghyun's question.

Suzy smiling rather scary than pretty, "If you do something to her, like even hurt her a liiitle bit, Park Jaehyung, I really won't forgive you. I really will destroy you completely."

Reyna laugh, "Relax!" she said to Suzy.

At least I can see and hear her laugh today.

"Yerin is our friends too, long before she met you."

"She's fragile, don't even try to break her." Reyna look at me.

Finally she really looking at me in the eyes.

"Can we talk alone?" I said to her finally. I can't bare this situation with her.

"You can't apparantly." Suzy is the one who answered me so I look at her annoyed, but she's looking far behind me. "Jaebum's coming here."

Reyna is looking at Suzy's gaze too now. And I take a deep sigh when I feel someone's presence behind me.

"Done with your lunch? We need to match our concept for finals before the class started. Professor Park will asking us one by one. We still have like... 15 minutes to match our answer."

"You end up partnered up with him?" I asked her and really trying to not sound so sulky about it. But I don't know if it successful.

"Of course, what kind of stupid person that reject Im Jaebum?" Once again, it's Suzy that answered my question.

"What are you talking about?" Jaebum mumbling to Suzy, still standing beside me.

Reyna is already get up from her seat and all I can do is just looking at her.

"I'll take you home after class." This is probably my last try to talk to her today.

She looking at me while walking to Jaebum who is now looking at her. I hate this situation.

"But we should practice after class...?" Jaebum said carefully because it seems like Reyna hasn't decided anything to that yet.

"Right, practice." She smiles at Jaebum and that guy smiling back.

"What?" I nearly shouts, okay. "You can't practice after class, you'll be too exhausted."

"Of course we take a rest first, like having dinner or snacks, something like that." Jaebum turn his head to look at me.

I stand up, "I'm talking to her, not to you."

"After practice then, Jae. You don't have to stand up from your seat, okay? Finish your lunch, you'll need that, you have practice too after this." She give me a warning look.

"Text me when you're done, okay?"

She nodded then turn back her head to Jaebum and they start to walking out from here.

"Are you sure you guys not a thing?" I heard Jaebum asked her and I'm so curious with her answer so I keep standing, focusing my ear to them.

"No, he has someone already."

And I hear Jaebum snorted.

"Okay, what was that?" Jackson shaking his head left and right.

I sit again and munching my food annyoingly. Why am I so annoyed, though? They're just doing practice for their assignment, really. Why am I so jealous of it?

"No wonder she always feel frustrated at you." Ayeon too, shaking her head left and right.

"Why though?"

"Let me tell you why." Suzy lean her body more to the table to be able to see me closely. "You said you just friends with Rey, but you keep doing things a boyfriend will actually do to her. You keep act like you will get there someday, and she just patience enough and take it as it is. But again, you always say that you are friends. Even Jaebum got the wrong idea just then. Listen, if even a third-party, an outsider, got the wrong idea about it, what do you think Rey would feel about it?"

Jackson clapping his hand.

"Well, it's because she always like that, exactly like what just happened. She always respon to other guys like they're more important than me. I always feel like I'm not her first option."

"That's because you keep saying that you're just friends." Suzy get up because of her anger.

"And that's because she made me feel like one." I get up too. I'm so sick of them blaming it all on me.

I already blaming myself, are they really need adding that frustrated on me?

Everyone's get silence. I feel like the entire cafetaria get silence too. Me and Suzy looking at each other, both radiating anger from our eyes.

"It doesn't matter anymore, guys. Please sit down before someone drag both of you out of here." Ayeon said very quietly.

I sigh, so does Suzy.

"But I kind of get what Jae meant by it." Younghyun speak out after a long silence. "He must be feeling like nothing when that kind of scenes happened. I mean, I noticed at how Rey defending Jaebum, and pushing Jae. Because Jaebum is from dancing class and dancing is her dream and her main goal, so she kind of like... put everything about dancing on top of everything."

There's a reason we called him Younghyun the brain. He can explains many things in simple way. He just voice out my feelings that I can't explain it to the others.

Everyone's glaring at Younghyun.

"Remember when guys talking bad about her when she performed?" I looking at them, "We're talked about it that day because I kind of feel angry about her wearing revealing clothes because it made guys think bad about her. She denfended those guys, saying that she can't help it because it's a part of the performance, part of the dancing. And she love dancing, and it's her dream, she can't do anything about it. She always put dancing on top of everything." Suzy already want to say something but I don't let her. "I understand about the revealing clothes part, but then like Younghyun said, it happened again with Jaebum. Because Jaebum is a dancer, and it related to dancing, she put him on top everything too. On top of me. Like what she did with Jackson too, when he asked her to helping him in dancing. And I experienced that situations many times, should I tell you all about it here?"

"Are you sure it's not because you're jealous?" Wonpil asked and Suzy nodded her head agree.

I sigh, "Maybe that is the case. I don't know too, okay? It's just... nothing feel sure about her until I hear her say it herself, from her mouth."

"And she's hoping the same thing from you all this time. Irony." Ayeon closed this discussion apparantly, because everyone get silence after that, doesn't have more things to say.

Until Dowoon smirk and laughing a little, "I can't believe we discussed this like tomorrow is the end of the world."

"Yeah," Younghyun grins.

"What's done is done. Let's just move on." Sungjin give instruction, "And you, reconcile with her, get back to being friends again so it won't be awkward when we hang out."

"I need to talk to her first."

"Be good, please." Suzy warn me.

"I never want to hurt her, you know?"

-


	14. Chapter 14

 

If I think my situation with Jae couldn't be more ridiculous, then it can.

"I want to use my coupon wish. Do you remember? From bowling?"

Oh, right. That limitless period coupon wish.

"For keep our friendship stays the same. For not treat each other awkwardly. For us to do what we usually do before everything happened."

Everything happened? Just one thing happened, exactly.

"Do you mean you'll keep taking me home, giving me a friendly hug, ruffling my hair, putting your hand around my shoulders, and getting jealous to my friends?" I stare at him with braveness that suddenly come inside myself.

I'm so angry. How can he expect me to treat him as usual? Nothing's gonna be the same for us. At least for me. This is such a ridiculous wish. I already planning to keep my distance from him, to not too attach to him, because it hurts. I thought that I'll be fine and strong to handle this, but when I sit beside him today in Music class, it hurts.

And now, thinking that there'll be no hope for me to step out of this friendzone, while he keep being all close to me like he did all this time, it just won't do. I feel suffocating already.

"What's wrong with that? I did that because I care for you as your friend. And I'll keep doing that because I still care for you. Nothing's gonna change."

What a bad bad guy. Who said Park Jaehyung is a good guy? Ayeon? What Ayeon's reference to that?

"Listen, Park Jaehyung." I turn my head to face him. We're in the playground near my house, sit on the swings at almost 11PM right now. "I want to make things really clear for you here, I'm tired of wondering around the bush. The things you alwas did to me, as I mentioned before, are clearly things that lead girls to false hope, we once talked about it long time ago before you keep saying we are friends."

He want to interrupt me but I stop him with my palm in front of his face.

"And hope, I did. For you. All this time, like a stupid girl. Then one day, suddenly you're in a relationship with someone else. And now you want me to experience that again? How could you be so mean like that? How can I be in that position again?"

We got silence for a moment without breaking our staring. I don't want to be the one who turn away first, I want to prove him that I brave enough to look at him without feeling hurt, or hopeful again.

"You're hoping for me?" He asked in the end.

"Were. But it doesn't matter anymore now."

He blink and I win, because he then turn his head first and looking far into the darkness.

"Listen, Reyna... I'm..."

He silence for seconds and I wait.

"...I'm sorry." He looking down.

"I thought you understand already about what we talked that day after midterm. But surprisingly, you did all of that to me. All the things I mentioned that day, that lead to false hope, you casually did that to me."

"I... It's not my intention. Like I said that day too, it all happened without my consciousness." He look me in the eye.

Maybe he really never like me that much. Look at him making excuses.

I sigh, now it's me that turn my head away from him.

"I'm tired, I'm going home." I get up and walk. I really tired from practice and talking to him just double it, because I feel like talking to a wall. A hard solid unbreakable wall.

"Really, Reyna? So you're the type that just walk away from problems?"

I stop and I feel so annoyed with that statement, I growl to myself and sighing deeper.

I turn to face him again, "No taking me home again, no ruffling my hair, no hand on my shoulders, no acting like you own me around my friends, and no more hugging. That's what friends should be. Are you ever see me doing that things with the others? No, right? Problem's solved."

I feel him hesitating to come to me but he didn't do it in the end. He standing still on his place just looking at me.

"And be good to Yerin, she's my friend. She doesn't deserves to feel like I felt. And take care on your way home. Goodnight, Jae."

Then I leave him.

I'm done.

We still friends, but I'm done.

-

  
I want to avoid Jae as hard as I could, and somehow my schedule help me so I did it naturally. Finals is in 2 weeks and with all our assignments from every class, I rarely hang out with Jae, or with the others. The one and only time we see each other probably when we lunch together after Music class, with everyone. So we didn't talk much either.

But Jae is Jae. I don't know what is his intention this time, but he keep trying to make time for us. Like walking me to Gayo Dance class after lunch just like he always did. And he keep doing it, but without his hand circling my shoulders this time. He try to keep the conversation just like I try to keep respon to that. He asking mostly about my dancing assignment with Jaebum, which he won't understand even if I explaining to him, so I just respon with 'It's great. We just need to practice more.'.

And I feel that he still get kind of sulky about the fact that I partnered with Jaebum for finals, but in measurable amount, so I let it pass. His jealousy is not matter anymore. Then he change the subject to my progress with Music assignment, which is duet with Sungjin, then I can't help but whining about it.

"It's so hard to find the right song."

"You must choose a concept first. What do you want the performance be? After you sure about that, then you can decide each other's role. A suitable song might come up after that."

"What about you and Jackson?" I said when we finally step inside the building.

"Oh, it's gonna be lit. Full of swag, but melodically swag. Just wait for it."

"Should I do something romantic with Sungjin...?"

"You don't have to do that."

"Right? It's an obvious concept for male and female duet."

"Or doing it like tsundere, like he's your best friend that more like a brother."

"That's weird."

He laugh.

Okay, his laugh still do something to me, I'm not deny it. Lord, this is hard.

"What Professor will focus on, though? Our singing? Concept? Chemistry in each other?"

"I think the overall of the performance. Everything you mentioned, and how one team can deliver the meaning of the song to the listener, your feelings and sincerity while singing it. I think that's what he will be focusing more."

"Sincerity..." I mumbling that word to myself when we arrive in front of my class.

We looking at each other like always. He used to ruffling my front hair when we saying goodbye here, but it just an awkward gaze to each other right now.

"You don't have to be walking me here every week, though."

"Then when I get the chance to talk to you?"

"We can talk while eating lunch."

"It's too loud because the others will keep talking too."

"It's awkward now."

"But I want to keep doing it. It'll get better later."

We staring at each other.

"Why you want to keep doing it?"

"Because I like it."

Heol.

He is bad.

"Yerin might get the wrong idea about us."

"She probably got the wrong idea from the start already. She keep asking me about that."

So why you did this, then?!

I want to screaming it to him, but I see Jaebum walking to us, smiling and waving his hand. I smiling back to him and nodded my head.

"Fighting for your practice today." I said to Jae as a goodbye, right before Jaebum reach us.

"You come home safe last night? I'm sorry that I couldn't take you home, something really urgent happened."

"It's alright. I'm big enough to go home alone."

"But it was late, and I really worry you know." Jaebum look at me but then turn his head to Jae like he giving Jae a chance to jump in the conversation.

And that's what Jae do, "You should just call me, Reyna." He kind of give a questioning look too to Jaebum, surprise by this sudden supportive act from him.

What was that? What Jaebum just did?

"It's okay, I can go home alone. Nothing happened to me. It's fine."

Then we silent, looking at each other simultaneously.

"See you later then, Jae...?"

-

 

"Someone told me to show sincerity in our singing..." I said to Sungjin in our practice session for finals.

"Yes, that's the easiest way to give a good performance for a beginner. Singing like you want someone understands you, like you want to tell something to that someone, to be heard by that someone."

"I might be eggoist, Sungjin, but I have something to tell to someone."

"I'll help you, then." He grins at me. "I'll adjusting myself to your feelings."

"I found a song that really represent what I want to say to that someone."

"What is it?"

"Mamamoo's No More Drama." Then I play the song for him.

He smiling even from the first verse. He got immersed, frowning his head a couple times, widened his eyes in the rap part, then back to smiling again and nodding his head understand.

He look at me after the song end, "So, really no more Jae, huh?" He smiling.

"I'm not talking about Jae."

"Everyone can tell, though." He laugh.

I sigh, "Okay, whatever. How is it? Can this song works for this assignment?"

"Of course! Actually it's good. We can make it accoustic." He take his guitar and start to play the intro.

And I'm surprised because it sounds good already.

"Try singing it, then." He said after he stop his playing. He count to three then start to playing the intro again.

And I sing, right until the beginning of the rap part because Sungjin stop his playing and take a paper and pen.

He play his guitar again for himself, repeat some parts a couple times with so much focus, then write some keys in the paper and said, "Okay, I want to do something in rap part. I want to change the rhythm a little bit from the original so it's gonna be something like..." Then he play his guitar again in rather staccato rhtyhm? I honestly don't know what it called.

"In a slow staccato." Sungjin said after done playing for the rap part, "Then it going back again to the original ryhthm."

"So it really called staccato?"

"Yeah, playing it shorter than usual. But I did it in slow rhythm." He replay it. "Try rapping it, then."

"Me?!"

"Just try it first."

Then I do it, with all my effort to matching the rhythm, but I got it right away because yes, he slowing the rhythm, so it's easy for me to follow. Suddenly rapping seem like an easy thing to do.

"Oh!" He shouts excitedly because he just got another idea, "I can stop after this lyrics. What it goes again?"

"'Let's stop talking, stop it?' is that what you mean? Then all stopping, even the music?"

"Yeah I can stop after you rap that, until the two next line..."

"After 'thanks to my always furrowed brows, the thing I'm looking for after you are headache pills'?"

"Yes, you'll be rapping that part without rhythm. Make it sounds very frustrating. Like you have a unstoppable headache because of him."

"Oh I always have that with him."

"It must be easy then."

"Can you accompany me after that? In the next line until the end of rapping part? I'm not quiet sure if I doing it alone."

"Okay let's try first."

He play the guitar from the start. Our part still not decided, so it just me singing until the rap part we discussed before. And I already like it, actually.

"Wait, let me print the full lyrics first so we can decide something about the singing part. I want you to harmonize too in some parts, actually."

Now Sungjin seems so full of idea, his talking getting more and more fast because of the excitement that suddenly rush in him, he's smiling all the time.

"So there's two chorus here, how about you sing the first and I sing the second?" He asked after he take a paper with the full lyrics of the song from the printer.

"From 'non-fiction drama...' is yours?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

He circle that part and mark it as his. "Verse is all yours. I sing the first part of the Bridge, then you harmonized with me in the second part."

"The second of 'One two three four day by day'...?"

"Yes, that. You're gonna harmonizing with me."

"How, though?" I laugh. "How to harmonizing?"

"Sing in different notation, I teach you later. You clearly can do it, it's not that hard for a perfect pitch-er." He laugh a little, "And the chorus just like before, and for reffrein, we can just singing it together unless this part." Sungjin cricle in 'Time is over' lyrics. "It's yours. Emphasize it."

I look at him got so immersed in this and it kind of different from Sungjin I know all this time. He looks so cool explaining all this things about music. It shows how much he love it, how much he feel excited for this. I guess this is what you get when you doing everything based on love. He loves music, so he love everything he do with music. There's nothing more pleasing than to see someone get immersed in something they love.

"Then the rap parts as we discussed earlier. And the rest is repeating what we devided it earlier." He finally turn his head to me, "How is it?" He smile and his eyes sparkling.

"Perfect." I said with a smile too, but more like 'finally we working on something for finals'.

"Want to try it first?"

"Sure."

Then he take his guitar again and play the song, with me singing my part as it divided.

We messed up in rap parts but after a few more practice we successfully snailed it. Then he teach me how to harmonized, and yes it's practically just sing in different notation for me. It come out good. We record our last practice and monitor it together. And it surprisingly good.

"So this is how it's done if you singing with sincerity." He said after we finish watching the recorded video.

"It's good?" I asked smiling, hoping. After I learned this Musical thing from the very basic, I understand that praise is helping for the beginner to keep learning. It gives an unexpectable motivation.

"Try a little bit more fierce or annoyed in the rap, the part where you rap without music. It should be pierced to Jae's heart."

I laughing at that.

"I should be more harmonizing in the next rap line. It's originally a melodical rap, so it's not that hard." He turn his head to see me, "It was good, though. I enjoy it, it's rather fun. And you right, doing it with other people can be so much fun. And you're unexpectedly good. I didn't regret partnering up with you in this."

I show my fist to him, "Can I hoping for an A, then?"

He smile and touch his fist to me softly in a fist bump, "We can, of course. Professor Park will be surprised, just like Jae."

We smiling to each other again then gather our things. It's nearly 11PM already, time surely fly fast. Me and Sungjin walk together from DAY6's practice room, and I see Jae outside lean on his motorbike.

Then I sigh.

"I take you home, no debating." He said before I can say anything.

"I can take her, though."

"Yeah, Sungjin can take me though?"

"It's faster with me." He insist.

I hear Sungjin humming 'No more drama' to himself.

"Can you do something with your friend, Park Sungjin?"

"No, I can't. He's more stubborn than everyone I've ever known. But just go with him Rey, it's late and it's dangerous for you to go home alone. And yes it surely faster with him, you should take bus if it with me."

I give him a look of 'what are you talking about? Are you forget what we just sang all night?' but he just grinning and saying goodbye to me with a waving hand.

"Come on, Reyna. It's better this way."

I sigh. What should I do to stay away from him really?

-


	15. Chapter 15

 

"Are you sure you're not doing this to avoiding Jae?" Ayeon asked when the three of us have another sleepover.

This might be our last sleepover this semester because finals is in a week, and after that is a long winter holiday. Ayeon will probably going back to her parents home for holiday, just like Suzy. Me too, probably. But all depends on the announcement of this Student Exchange Program I've registered.

Yes, I applied for the program a week ago, at the very last minute. I found out about that a day before the application period ends, but everything went so well and smooth. I even got a recommendation letter right away from Professor Park without much complicated procedures. He rather happy when I came to his office suddenly, he's smiling wide from ear to ear, asking why I didn't come to him earlier? He said it'll be good experience from every young dancer, we can learn the difference between dance culture here and there in New York, the center of all great performances around the world.

"Half-half?" I answered Ayeon's question with full honesty.

Yes, half-half. A part of me really curious about this and just like what Professor Park said, it will be a good experience for me. It can widen my skills and knowledges about dancing, meeting more people that loves dancing, we can sharing our thoughts and get something from it for future use. Another part, yes of course, because I need space from Jae. Really, I can't do it here because Jae is the stubborn one. He keep appear before me and everytime that happened I feel a hard time to reject him. I always ended up doing what he asked me to do.

Like taking me home.

Honsetly, going home with Jae is the most intimate moment because I'll be on his bike gripping his waist in the middle of the night and I can't help thinking how right it feel. How right everything will be if he's all mine in all kind of way, not just in a friendship term. I feel more frustrated lately, and I'm hating myself for feeling that.

Can he just stop it?

Sure he can't, because he already stated clearly to me that taking me home is his responsibility, I don't know why he thinking like that, though. He's so bad.

Suzy sigh, "Yeah, if I were you maybe I'll do the same. I mean, what's wrong with him, really? Aren't he tortured himself too everytime he took you home?"

"Jae must be like you so much, Rey. After he knew that you're hoping for him all this time, he might feel kind of regret to not choose you." Ayeon think a little bit. "Here's what I can summerize. He likes you first, probably he likes you more than he likes Yerin, but things made him choose Yerin and he try to satisfy with that while his first option is you. So after he aware about your feelings for him, he kind of regret it, but he already has Yerin and can't do anything about it, at least now, because it will hurt Yerin like it was hurting you. But he still want this feeling to be with you, so he use friendship as an excuse."

"Wow." Suzy respon with such a sarcasm tone, "Such a teenage drama."

Ayeon shrugs both of her shoulders, "Park Jaehyung is still teenager after all. The weird coward stupid one."

"I'm done with assumptions, girls. I'm done wondering. I'll believe things if it directly come from his mouth, I don't want to making assumption again. End of case."

"So when will you get the acceptance letter from the school? If you get chosen of course."

"After finals."

"And if you accepted, when will you go?" Ayeon looking at me.

"A week before the next semester begin."

"Oh, so you still can get holiday here."

I nodded my head, "There's some preparation class I should attend this holiday if I get chosen."

"Fighting, Rey. Really. It's a good oportunity for you, learn everything and teach me later."

"Oh, and Professor Park asking why you're not applied too for this."

"I like it here. I like my country."

Ayeon snort because of that, "And yesterday you whining about education system in this country that has finals to grade someone's creativity and skill."

Suzy grins. "But I think many things are fine too, here. I mean, it's good to have many experience in other country, meeting different people with different culture. But I want to focus more to what I already have, and make the best of it."

I nodded my head.

"It's good for Reyna because she has other mission behind it, so it's like hitting two birds with one stone."

"Hm, I get it." Ayeon said with her eyes looking at the ceiling.

No one speak so I get drown into my thoughts again. Wondering if it really the best decision to sort my mind, myself, and my life after the long waiting for Jae. Wondering if it really the best way to restart all of my feelings for him, and back to my old self again before I met him.

Since when I worrying things too much like this? My old self never overthinking like this.

I sigh.

  
-

 

Finals end in a good result, at least for me. Professor Park praised both of my assignments for his classes. He praised my dance performance with Jaebum, also my singing performance with Sungjin.

About dance performance, it actually something that everyone predicted. Jaebum alone as my partner is already assured me an excellent grades. Suzy did well too, covering Taemin's Move all by herself, and it looks really amazing, and she got the highest score in the history of Gayo Dance class, and soon that information is spread through the entire school and heard by the Seniors. She got popular in a night, like, really popular among the seniors. When we walking together, it feels like every seniors know her, give her a smile or a nice hello, some of them congratulate her and see her in amazement. They must be watched her performance video already. Junho and Wooyoung Sunbae also smiling wide to us when we accidentally met around school. They feel so proud of us, like they're the one who find our talents first before the others because of that Outdoor Show we did together. It feels really good.

The surprising thing happen in Music class. Eventhough me and Sungjin didn't get the highest score, it turned out so much better than I expected. Professor Park commenting long about our performance and it kind of surprising because I never expect he going to give that much attention to us. But he ended up praising us for that. Thanks to Sungjin's arrangement.

And our performance becomes the main topic in our usual lunch. Jackson can't keep silent about it, he always have something to say about my rapping, and everytime he talk about it, it ended up with him praising me and Sungjin in an awe.

"It was for me, right?" Jae is the one who brought up the topic.

I feel like everyone knew it or sensed it or assumed it already, but it's him who brought that up first. It's not like him though, talking in an open like this.

"Especially the part 'I gave you plenty of chances', it was for me, right?"

"Thank God, he finally realized it." Ayeon mumbling to her food but of course everyone's listen to that.

"Are you sure you want to talk about it here, right now?" I asked him.

"Well, everyone knew it already. It's not a secret anymore."

I look up at everyone's faces, some of them nodded their head, the other shrugging their shoulders.

But it's Wonpil that respon it with words, "You mean about how naive and stupid you are? Both of you?"

Some of them laughing.

"I'm sorry Jae but I need something to release my frustrated feelings of you, so I decided to transferred it to that performance. Now I'm done, really. We're still friends, like you said."

"It seems easy for you." He said and everyone got silence.

"What do you mean?"

"Getting rid of me."

My god, why? Why he should brought this up again? In front of everyone. What is his intention? What he feels right now? What's inside his head actually?

"It never been easy." Should I just play along with it? Telling him everything about my feelings in front of everyone?

Ugh I hope I get that acceptance letter soon. Call me coward or anything, but I really need a getaway from this.

"Everything about you never been so easy for me." We looking at each other.

"Then don't give up on me." Jae stated confidently.

"What? Guys isn't that so ridiculous?" Now I look at everyone's faces trying to get support.

"Yeah, you with Yerin right now." Sungjin stated a fact.

"Don't you dare thinking about dumping Yerin." Suzy sigh frustratingly.

"What's wrong with you honestly? Can you choose one and stick to that? You can't have both Jae. And let me reminds you that you chose to be friends with me, you should act like one."

Silence.

"You likes her so much." Younghyun said grinning his face. "Is that so hard to say?"

"I want you just for myself." Jae said finally, looking right through my eyes.

"There you go." Younghyun keep commenting.

"If this is the way you took to have me, then you can't. You did it the wrong way."

"You can always make a U-turn." Dowoon laugh and said it as an advice.

"No, Dowoon. We already at the dead-end." I said to Dowoon, glaring annoyingly.

"Please don't say that." Jae makes me turn my head back to him.

"It's a fact."

"I really gonna write a song from this." Ayeon mumbling to herself.

"Me too." Younghyung whispering to her.

"I already thinking about the melody." Wonpil join them.

"Should I give you a beat?"

"Are you guys need an MC? Because I see you will never move to the problem solving at this rate. So let me." Suzy clear her throat once. "So Jae, do you still like her?"

"I always like her!" He feel insulted by that question.

"Not as a friend? As a... something more?"

Jae sigh then close his eyes, "Yes."

"Since when?"

"Oh I like this." Sungjin smiling and get excited about this.

"Long time ago. I don't know, maybe since I saw her dance."

I'm staring at him who now avoiding me. Is he embarassed by it?

"Okay, I locked that answer. Now Rey, do you like him that way too?"

"What is this actually?"

"Ah, just answer her. It helps you reach a solution!" Jackson voice out his disappointment.

"Look, that's exactly how I felt about her all this time!" Jae starts to searching support from the others.

But Suzy shushed him make him silent again.

"But you never said it clearly too, before." I defended myself from Jae's attack.

"I know, Rey. We know. But it's not time for that. It's time for you to answer my question. Do you like him?"

"Of course I like him."

"Not as your friend, do you still like him that way right now?"

"I don't know, can we stop this ridiculous game?"

"Eeeey!" Most of them shouts in disappointment. But Jackson is the loudest one.

Suzy shushed everyone, "It's normal guys. It's normal for Rey to be unsure. Jae did feel unsure too remember, and it took so long and hurt Rey in the process. We should respect her answer."

"So you already sure about Rey?" Wonpil  join the game and asked Jae this time. "Since when?"

"Since she told her feelings to me." Jae is answer everything in more relax way right now.

But this is wrong. If we having this Q&A when both of us still single, it will work. But it's not. So it's not gonna work.

"That night at the playground." He turn his head to look at me again.

I sigh.

"Okay, let me summarize before we went to the next stage. Jae still like Rey, even feel sure about her right now, meanwhile Rey, she's the one who feel unsure right now. It's going the opposite way from before, oh my god." Suzy just realized it herself.

"I'm not sure because he has..."

"I know Rey, we'll get there soon. Right now, exactly." Suzy look at me before turn her head to Jae. "Now Jae. You're in a relationship right now. What are you gonna do with that?"

He got silence for awhile.

"I told you it's a dead-end."

"I just want to be with her." Jae said right away.

"Her who?"

"Reyna."

"You should break up with Yerin, then." Suzy said again.

"Suz, are you serious? Really? We both know Yerin." I look at her in disbelieve.

"Rey, if Jae break up with Yerin and become single again, do you want to date him for sure?" Suzy doesn't listen to me.

I agape my mouth. I look at everyone, they all waiting my answer like it is the important announcement or something. Meanwhile I'm sitting here like I've been judged, like I'm in a court for my mistakes.

"I don't know, it's not gonna happen anyway. Can we stop this? Please?" I beg at Suzy.

"Okay, for protecting both of the parties, I'll end it here. Problem's found, eventhough still not solved. At least you both can think about it now, instead of talking about the useless things." Suzy look at Jae, "Want to hear my advice? Be brave."

Jackson is clapping.

Is that mean Suzy want Jae to break up with Yerin?

  
-

 

I got the acceptance letter two days later. And I still not talk to Jae personally after that day Suzy made everything clear between us. I told Suzy and Ayeon about my acceptance and they congratulate me, but also curious about my final decision. I still have like three days to finalize the administration things, so yeah. Let's see that later.

Meanwhile, I'm in my sister's house right now, asking her opinion about it as my closest family here in Seoul. My parents know about it already, and as always, they gave me all the responsibility to choose after giving their thoughts about this. They said it actually a good opportunity for me, so I take that as a yes.

My sister also, said that I should take it, so it's another yes. It's me who contemplating. Because half my reason to take this program is actually not good. I shouldn't be make it as a reason in the first place. Now after that day Suzy interrogated Jae about everything and afer I heard his answers, I feel like I have hope again. I'm hoping again, dear god. Is this some kind of never-ending circle for me? Feels like I've been running far away from it, but then realized the track is a circle all this time.

"Imo wrong again. This piece is here, not there." Daehan's voice take me back to reality.

We're still in the middle of battle with his new lego. Another dinosaurus figure, I always wondering why this kid really like dinosaurus though? It's superhero era honestly. Other kids like him surely choose Iron Man figure rather than dinosaurus.

"Imo, focus~"

I laugh to that. He got mature too soon, apparantly. And I wondering again if brain intelligence makes one get more mature fast.

"Your phone is vibrating, Rey. It's been like..." My sister walk out from her room holding and looking at my phone, "...6 missed calls from the same person named Jae."

I reach the phone as Daehan screams, "Jae hyung! The policeman Jae hyung!!" My sister frowning because of that.

"Yes, Jae?"

"Hey, Reyna..."

But Jae's voice got cut by Daehan's screaming right beside my phone that also mean my ear. Gosh he's so loud.

"Is that Daehan?"

"Yes, uhm..." But Daehan already snatch my phone and start to shouts excitedly to Jae in another line.

"Who's the policeman Jae hyung?" My sister's asked, still amazed at Daehan who now talking very excitingly to Jae.

"My friend from school."

"Your friend?"

"Yes, he met Daehan once... when you went to Jeju for business the other time."

"Ah!" She nodded her head remembering it, "So you two were like... dating while babysitting Daehan that time?"

I laugh a little, "We were not dating, we're friends."

"What kind of friends that accompanying babysitting?"

Right?

My sister, indeed. I hope Jae heard it from there, but it seems impossible because Daehan is talking non-stop now. About his new dinosaurus collections.

Then all I can hear for the next minutes is Daehan's voice that speak through the phone.

"But when we're gonna sing and play guitar? You promised me!"

"Really?! Of course!"

"Can you just come to my house?"

"Hm, I understand. I'll bring my new dinosaurus then."

"Hm, we're making lego. A dinosaurus! With imo, of course!"

"On Sunday? Promise? Okay!"

"Imoooo, here~" Daehan give me back my phone.

"We're gonna meet in Sunday, at Imo's house. Mom, I want to sleep at Imo's house on Sunday."

"Hm, okay Daehan~ can you tell me who's you talking with?"

Then I excuse myself to talk with him in more peaceful environment.

"You make an appointment with Daehan on Sunday? At my house? Without my permission?"

"I thought Daehan will make a permission from you. I'll get rejected right away anyway, so it better handled by him."

I laugh, "You expecting a 5 handle that?" I throw myself on bed in a guess room of this house. I always use this room when I visit this house, so it's practically my room.

I miss his voice. It only one Friday without meeting him and I already miss his voice. And here I am planning to leave him for 6 months. I like him as much as I frustrated about him.

I sigh.

"What's with the sigh?"

"No, I just..." I laugh a little but can't find anything to complete that words.

Then we got into silence.

"I miss you." Then he said.

What is he doing exactly? Isn't that mean he's cheating on Yerin with me?

"So much it hurts." He continued.

He's so bad. But he does it so well and smooth and yes I miss him too.

I really need to get away from him to get everything clear again. This is wrong.

"What are you doing?" I asked other thing, trying hard to not respon to that with a confession about how I miss him too.

"Just... done some gaming. I still miss you even after I playing games."

"Is that the only thing you want to talk about? Telling me you miss me?"

"Yes, I call you because I miss you."

"No other particular reason?"

"No. I want to hear your voice. Can we meet?"

"We'll meet on Sunday."

"Without Daehan."

"What are we going to do?"

"Just... hang out? Bowling?"

I clear my throat, "With the others?"

"Of course not. Just you and me. I said already that I miss you."

"That is wrong, Jae."

"I'll get Yerin's permission for that. She will give me that easily. Strangely, she always talking about you when we together, I want to avoid thinking about you but she always mentioned your name so I ended up thinking of you."

"You should talk about music then. I'll never be mentioned if it's about music."

"Let's not talk about her. So bowling tomorrow?"

"I can't, I have something to do with my sister here." I lied.

But that's for good.

"Really? Not because you feel guilty to spending time with me?"

I silence.

"I told you I'll get her permission."

No, it's because I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid that I'll loose myself, giving in so easily, drowning in the moment with you.

"Just meet on Sunday, Jae."

I hear him sigh, give up. "Okay, Sunday. Your house."

-


	16. Chapter 16

 

Everything feels so normal when we spending time together with Daehan. Maybe because Daehan, I forget everything, every problems I have with Jae that still unsolved. And I feel like he did the same. We freely enjoy this current moment. Singing from one song to another. From the kids song to Ikon's Love Scenario. We laughing so much too, together with Daehan. Mostly because of Daehan. He asked Jae to teach him how to play guitar, but I laugh because Daehan's hands are still so tiny he can't afford to cover two rows of the guitar key.

Their guitar lesson need to stop after I finish preparing our dinner. And we eat food peacefully, full of laughing and talking about Daehan's dinosaurus.

I don't know if me and Jae are faking everything right now like everything's okay between us in front of Daehan, or if it simply because we miss each other's interactions without the awkward feeling that surrounded us this couple months.

It feels good.

Just like that first night he played with Daehan. That night before everything's got strange between us.

And I reminded again about the reason why I like him in the first place. It's so easy to liking him like this. The one and only thing that easy about him is liking him.

But reality hits me right after Daehan got asleep. We got awkward again. It's hard even to speaking out something, so it's just silence between us.

"Thanks, once again." Finally I speak to break this long silence.

He just smiling, looking out to the space. His back is resting on the sofa completely, comfortably.

"You might get stuck with Daehan for the next couple years."

We laughing at that.

"I don't mind if that's mean I can spend another time with you."

"Ah, really..."

He laughing again.

"Did Yerin give you permission too for this?"

He smile then looking at me, "I didn't ask her for this. I practically cheating on her with you right now."

"Ah..." I'm looking down and touch my nose bridge with my fingers to show him my frustrated feeling.

He still smiling and looking at me when I lift up my head to see him.

"It was fun." His smile got wider, "Both Daehan and cheating."

"You are bad!"

"I'm sorry it's not my intention. It never my intention, Reyna."

"So is this how you solve the problem Suzy found? Really? You decided to take this way?"

"I don't know."

"Because I reject if that's the case."

"Of course." He smile a little. "Just for today."

I give him a questioning look.

"I do it just for today, whether you agree or not."

"Always decides everything as you like." I shaking my head left and right.

He smiling then rest his head on the back of the couch, now looking at the ceiling, drown in his own thoughts.

Seems like he want to stay a little bit longer? And why I'm not doing anything right now? I let the silence stay long instead, makes me drown in my own thoughts too. But in different position from him. I crooked my feet on the couch and resting my chin on my knees with both of my hands circling my feet, I'm looking at nothing in particular.

"What are you thinking right now?"

About my preparation for the student exchange program.

I didn't voice that out, of course. Strangely, I don't want Jae to know about this matter. I don't want him to interfere with my decision. I'll submit all the administration things tomorrow, I already decided. Suzy and Ayeon are already know about this too, but I asked them to keep it just for themselves.

"Nothing."

"That can't be happen to human. There must be at least one thing in human's mind everytime."

I laugh, "Says who?"

"I don't remember who said that, but it's logic."

"Now I'm thinking to search who said that."

Jae laugh softly.

"You? What are you thinking?"

"About what should I do with this rare opportunity of being alone with you like this."

"Don't do anything. Don't think about to do anything."

Jae laugh again before saying, "This feels so good. Not much things to worry. And you're in a good mood, apparantly."

"I'm not in a good mood."

"At least not in a bad mood, because you're not ask me to leave yet."

Is it because I miss him too?

"Isn't this feels good?" He asked then.

"You know it can get better if we..." I stop my words.

"What? Hugging each other? Cuddling? Touching?"

"Stop."

He laugh again. "Of course."

I'm gulping down. God, this is wrong, I need to stop this.

"I miss you."

I turn my head to see him with head still laying by one side on my knees. And surprisingly, he already seeing me with his head still resting on the sofa back.

Since when he looking at me like that?

"You're seeing me right now." I whisper.

"I know, but I still miss you. And I'm not sure when a time like this will come again." He look at me in the eye. "Are you still forbid me to break up with her?"

"Hm."

"Are you sure?"

"Hm."

"You're mean, Reyna."

"Me? Excuse me!" I move up my head completely from my knees.

"You knew my feelings already. I said everything to you."

"You were late."

He sigh.

"And it's late, you should go home." I straighten up my self.

He smile, "My day is end." He sigh and sit straight too.

I walking him out all the way to the gate, I must be miss him so much that I end up standing here watching him getting on his motorbike. He turn on his bike and gas a couple times to heating up the engine. But he's not moving even after he's done, he freezing just like that, seems like thinking about something.

"Jae, are you okay? You sleepy?"

He turn his head inside the helmet to me, looking at me right through my eyes. But he's not saying anything, just looking at me like he counting something, like he debating with himself.

Then he get off, freeing his head again from the helmet and walk to me until we standing close to each other. And we just staring for seconds.

Me always with my questioning look to him.

"If tonight means I'm cheating with you..." he blink his eyes once, "...I want to do it properly."

I frowning my head as if like it didn't frown already. And he take steps closer to me, cup my face softly and without I'm expecting it, his lips touch mine.

He tlited his head and kiss me.

While I still open my eyes wide in shock.

Then all I feel is my heartbeat thumping and my blood rushing. All I can think is...

Nothing.

Literally nothing.

And when he deepened his kiss I closed my eyes, still frowning but my eyes are close. My hands unconscioussly gripping his shirt around his waist. And my hands are not quiet sure if it should push or pull him. My lips, on the other hand, are moving without me knowing, kiss him back.

This is bad.

My hands decided to move and hug him instead of push him away.

This is wrong.

My head tilted, completely has different plan from my brain.

I should stop.

My feet are tip toeing to adjust my height with him.

I shouldn't do this.

He sucks my lips and I loose everything. I loose my defense. His left hand move to my waist to hug me and my hands touching his back until it circling his neck.

I'm insane. Going nuts. Crazy.

This is crazy.

I hear myself moaning to the kiss but I hope I heard it wrong. Something inside of me snapped and suddenly I get my senses back. So I pull out from the kiss slowly, my feet going back to the ground. Jae seems disappointed by that.

"This is wrong." I said to him, we looking at each other.

He still hugging me. "I know. But cheating never means right." He give me a kiss on my forehead. "And I said it's just for today." Then he kiss my nose, and my cheek.

I move down my hands that circling his neck, pull out myself from him slowly. My head hurts, spinning. Everything just like spinning.

"Goodnight, Jae." I whisper to end this. I don't know what else should I say, I can't think straight. And after my last look at him that staring at me blankfully, I turn myself and get inside, closing the gate and walking fast inside my house.

I lean my back to the door and sit on the floor right away, hugging my feet with both of my hands, putting my forehead on my knees, trying to calming my heart beat.

I hear the sound of his motorbike got further away after some minutes and that's when I'm sure he's leaving. I take a deep breath a couple times to relax myself.

Dear god, help me.

I stay in that position for almost 10 minutes until my heartbeat back to normal again, until myself is not shaking again. But what I feel after that is the worst feeling ever. I feel guilty, I feel bad, I feel wrong.

But I just sighing, deep. Again and again.

I need a getaway. I should get away from Jae no matter what.

-  



	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jae's point of view

 

I must be crazy.

I wake up again, walking to the kitchen again, drinking a glass of cold water again. It's already the third times. Thank god this house is empty. All the members are still in their parents house, so I got this house for myself tonight.

I can't sleep because the scene of me kissing Reyna will play right away, automatically when I close my eyes. I still can feeling the adrenaline rushing through my body. I sigh and take a deep breath for like a hundred times since I got myself on my bed. But it's dawn right now and I still wide awake like this.

Like a mess.

So I decided to have a run instead. I can't sleep anyway, so I run around this neighborhood, fast. It works, my focus is now transferred to the road in front of me, to the feeling of my shoes touching the ground, to the movement of my feet, to the morning scenery that slowly visible as the sun up, and to the music playing in my ear.

It works until I got home again and finishing my showers. The pieces of the scenes still playing little by little as I preparing breakfast. But it's better because seems like I can finally control it by trying to focus to everything else beside it.

And that's how I go through the week, and another week, and the week after until the new semester is just about to come. I keep getting myself busy with other things. Practicing with the members, practicing alone for more, playing games with the others, then playing games alone for more. Running every morning, playing badminton with whoever members available, but they all kind of suck of it, so I get annoyed instead. But all of it working.

Night is the real problem.

When I'm not doing anything, when I laying on my bed trying to sleep, when I close my eyes, that is the hardest thing. Because the whole scene of that night would be displayed more clearly than before. Torturing me even more.

And I try really hard to not call her, because I know what her respon will be. She'll take many steps back, she'll avoid me as hard as she can. So I hold myself.

It's hard. I miss her so much.

Thank god Yerin isn't here in Seoul for the holiday. She need to get that treatment about her mania or mood swing or whatever the psychiatrist called it. I feel bad that she should going through it. But I feel relieve because the moment I see Yerin's face, I surely will thinking of Reyna, and thinking her name alone is already triggered me to remembering that night.

But I can't avoid seeing Yerin forever, because she'll come back yesterday and she want to lunch together with me today.

My relationship with Yerin is rather fine. She's the type of girl who doesn't care that much about life or people or socializing, so it's rather comfortable for me. She just do what she should and want to do, which is music, and music, and her treatment, and music again. And dating me once in awhile. I don't know anymore if this is still count as a dating. And this Ahjussi is always with her as her guard, so we just talking all the time when we're dating. Sometimes in a cafe, sometimes walking in a park, sometimes in a music room.

And she always smiling. Like right now. She always talking and smiling that I can't really tell her actual mood. But she's always thinking deeply, sometimes her thoughts are surprised me just like her musicality amazed me.

But that's all for us. Nothing more intimate than that, nothing more than a nice person to be talked with. I fee like she treat me like that too, a perfect musical-buddy to be talked with. She never force me to do something boyfriend-ly for her.

But aside of all that, she's a kind person, a great artist, and I respect her for that. Honestly that's what brought me to her in the first place. And now I realized after I know her, I feel nothing more than that. I just kind of hypnotized that day with her performance, just like how I hypnotized with Reyna's dancing that day before the sunset.

But with Reyna, it's different. I keep wanting her the more I know her. The more I spending time with her, the more I get jealous of every guys around her. I keep wanting to see her, to spend more time with her, do everything for her.

But then yeah, my unconfident side of me appeared and yeah. Just like that. It ruin everything.

But that day when Suzy interrograted me in front of everyone, suddenly my confident rose up, and finally for the first time I can tell everything, all of my feelings for her. And although she said I was too late, that night when I kissed her I'm sure that I can get everything back to its place.

I feel it in every part of her that night. How he gripped my shirt when I suddenly kissed her, how she hesitated at first about if she should push me away or not, how she finally closed her eyes and kissed me back, how she hugged me, how her feet tip toed to reached out to me, how she tilted her head to deepened the kiss, and god how she moaned to the kiss, her hands circled on my neck and moaned to the kiss.

It confirmed then. She just still unsure because I still in a relationship with Yerin right now. She respected her friends, and she's being a good girl. She always a good girl.

Sure I'm the bad one here.

I blink and suddenly realized where I am right now. Yerin is smiling in front of me, not saying anything. Her elbows are on the table, and her fingers holding her face that looking at me.

"You're gone again." She said it with the same smile paste on herself.

Really, I never can tell what she feel by her expressions only.

I clear my throat, "Sorry, where are we again?"

She move her head and lift up her elbows from the table, crossing her arms in front of her chest instead. "What are you doing here, Jae?"

"Huh? Sorry?"

"I gave you almost a month but what are you doing?"

Huh?

I must be look so dumb right now, but what is she meant by that?

Then she sigh long and deep, "This won't do." She shakes her head to the left and right, saying the words more like to herself. "I think it's time."

"What do you mean?"

"You still don't realize it?"

"What?" I asked frustrated.

"Your feelings for Rey!"

I frowning my head.

"Ugh it's frustrating. I know you likes Rey. So much."

"What? Uh..." I lost for words. "Since... when?"

"Rey didn't tell you, did she? I'm good at reading people, gestures, signs. And I read it so easily from you two. Since that night after the festival, at the restaurant." She smiling again.

Okay, now I think her smile is kind of creepy. How can she know it?

"You likes her, she likes you, but 'something' is clearly exist in the middle, prevent you to be together. And I guess that 'something' is..." She think to get the best word for it, "...your confident? And her... I don't know... pride?"

"I just got goosebumps right now, Baek Yerin. Did you just guess 'my confident' without prove?"

She shake her hand, "I listen to your talking that night, you seemed jealous of a guy and I feel your lack of confident to compete with the guy."

"Are you somehow a fortune teller or anything?"

She laugh, and yes it sounds creepy.

"I said reading people, and gestures, and signs. There's actually a literature about that."

"So what's the point of this?"

"Have you told her? About your feelings? Or are you still unsure? Still feeling unconfident?"

"I told her but it's all a mess because I'm dating you."

Then she laugh. "Of course it will! Rey never hurting her friends that easily, she's a good girl."

"So you knew it along?"

"I'm not sure at first, I just guessing things one by one. And when you suddenly asked me to be your girlfriend, I thought it gonna made you realize that it's not me who you need." She sip her tea. "But you're so slow. Imagine how frustrated Rey all this time." She laugh again.

She laugh so much today. And I feel deceived.

"So you never likes me all this time?"

"I like you, as music-buddy...? You're fun to be talked with, and your musicality is good. But never more than that, actually. I'm sorry."

"Then why you just tell me now?"

"Because I thought you're gonna break up with me fast, but I was wrong, apparantly. I don't understand why you keep me for this long."

"Rey forbid me breaking up with you. And Suzy threathened me."

She laugh again, "They're still the best friends." She sip her tea again and I just staring at her blankly.

"Now what are you waiting for?"

"Are you okay?"

"What do you mean? I dump you. Tell Rey I dumped you, it'll be fine."

"No, I mean you."

She's frowning her forehead.

"Are you really didn't feel anything about me?"

"You think I'm lying?"

"No, it's because I can't read you. You always smiling in every situations so it kind of hard to know what you feel."

"I'm fine. We're not meant to each other in the first place." She shrug her shoulders. "I accept your confession that day really, I swear, was just because of this. Because I want to help you realizing your feelings. I want to help Rey, too. She helped me many times in the past so at least I can do this for her."

I look at her, searching for something.

"Ah, why many people got the wrong ideas about me smiling? I born with this face, my original expression is smiling, really."

"Really?"

She nodded her head.

"Thank you, then...?"

"Of course. Suzy must be so angry with you because of how slow you were." Again, she shaking her head to the left and right.

"She will angry too if I do anything bad to you. You have a really good friends."

"Yeah, I know. I thank to God everyday because of that. We separated but their always supporting me the same."

I got silence for awhile, thinking about this all over again. Is it real? How come I so stupid to not realized it? 

Problem's solved, isn't it? Now I can go to Reyna all the way, right? No more holding in. God, just thinking about it alone makes me happy and excited already.

"Wow. I can't believe it actually this easy...?"

"That's what I mean! Why are you make things complicated?"

I laugh to myself.

"And we still friends, we can still talking about music all the same."

"It'll be nice."

"Now, go get your lover. Do your best."

I lift one corner of my lips, can't believe there'll be a girl who ordered me to do things like this.

But hey Reyna, problem's solved.

  
-


	18. Chapter 18

 

I just done with some technical meeting for the exchanging program. We'll depart from Incheon tomorrow morning, all 20 students from Art & Performance faculty, so today they told us about technical things like where the meeting point is, when we should be there, and some other things like that. Very technical.

Now I can't wait for it.

Yes, half of it is because of that night, the night when I completely lost control of myself. When with just one kiss from him I gave in, because that's how much his effect on me. I feel like I can't reject him ever again.

So I need this. I need to stay away from him for awhile.

And I thank God that he never try to meet me or contact me again after that night. I hope he finally realize that we shouldn't meet like that in the first place. I hope he realize that he shouldn't think about having an affair in the first place. I hope he now realize that he really should stick to one: being friends.

But just in case he change his mind again and ask for meet me again, I should diseappear for awhile from him.

So I very anticipated about my leaving tomorrow. I'm going to sort back my mind and my feelings from him, so by the time I come back here, I won't feel any special thing for him again except being friend.

"It's really you."

I lift my head and see Younghyun sit on the chair in front of me. I just start eating my lunch here in cafetaria, same from him apparantly because he put down his meal too on the table.

He got his backpack on his back, not a bass case. So what is he doing here? It's still a holiday, he can't be attending classes, right?

"What are you doing here?"

"Eating? Just like what you do?"

"I mean... here? In holiday?"

"I have the same question for you." He look at me searching something on my face, but his hand is reach something beside me, my notes and a preparation book from exchanging program.

Oh my god. He's quick.

"What is this?" He look at it, turning the pages one by one. "You join this program?" He look at me.

"I got chosen."

"Before you got chosen, you must be apply first. You want to go?" He kind of read something in that.

Damn why he gotta be so quick? Or am I  slow?

"For 6 months, starting..." He think in a second, "Tomorrow?!" He shouts make a lady behind the food counter look at our table. "You'll be going tomorrow?! To New York for 6 months? And I just know it? Who else that know? Jae know?"

I shaking my head, "Only Suzy and Ayeon."

"Why?! Are you want to diseappear from us just like that?"

"It's just for a semester, don't exaggerating!"

"Is it because of Jae?"

"Not really, it's because I'm curious about it. I want to know how dancing school there. I want to experience many things. I want to learn as much from many people as possible."

Big liar.

"It sounds like an excuses for me. The main purpose you join this surely because of Jae."

I sigh, "Whatever. I need a getaway, okay?"

Then he silence long, thinking.

"I'm sorry, Rey."

I smiling, "Why you say sorry?"

"Because you need to go through that frustrated situations with him. I swear it never his intention to treat you like that."

"Stop defending him."

He sigh.

"Eat your lunch." Me too, continue with my lunch. "So what about you? What are you doing here?"

"Just for remedy, but don't bother about it. I mean, is this finalize, then? You really go tomorrow?"

I nodded my head.

"Nothing can change it?"

"Nothing can change my mind. And don't tell anyone about it please, especially Jae."

"Why? He will be sad and miserable." He look at me but I feel he's thinking hard right now.

"Why he would feel that? He's gonna be fine."

Then Younghyun pull out his phone from his pocket. "Are you sure there's nothing can change your decision?"

Please good lord, not again.

But Younghyun is already showing his phone to me, a screenshot of a chat. Jae and Wonpil's chat.

 _Jae: we broke up._  
_Wonpil: what?! Really? When?!! Let's meet asap._

I blink once.

Twice.

I move my body to see it closer, but that's still the words I read. It sent yesterday night. Then I look at Younghyun. But nothing come out of my mouth. My mind goes blank for like a minute, I don't know what to think first.That information surely can change everything.

Should I change everything?

"Why... though?"

Not because of our kiss, right?

I see Younghyun eating his lunch in relax manner, like he win something.

"You should ask him yourself. I'm not interested in their story, I'm interested in yours."

"Because you will write something about it?"

He grins, then just continue eating. "I'm sure there must be something that triggered their break up."

"Right? Impossible if they just break up. Is it...?" I mumbling to myself, wondering. "No, there's no way Yerin knew about that night..."

"What night?"

"Did he told her about that night?" I asked myself but somehow I look at Younghyun, but still with no intention to elaborate about that night I keep mumbling about.

"Okay, I'm sure there must be something between you two that triggered their break up."

I examine the guy in front of me, wondering if he really clueless about their break up.

"I'm innocent." He put up both of his hands. "But Rey, can you consider your decision to go?"

I'm thinking right now.

"Canceling this amazing opportunity just because he become single again?" I laugh a little, more like to myself. "Without assurance that he'll be mine just because he single now?" I look at him, "Wah, as a business student, how can you think like that?"

"It starting again. Dancing on top of everything."

"What do you mean?"

"Rey, the main reason why Jae hesitate with you is because you always treat every dance related things on top of him. He always feel like you can push him aside all you want for everything that related to dance. First, you pushed aside his concern about you getting bad-talking from guys. Second, you pushed him aside for Jaebum. You also pushed him aside for Jackson. You pushed him aside for everything dance related."

"I'm sorry, but dance is my dream and my goal. It's the reason why I'm here. It's something that I love, isn't it normal if I put it on top of everything?"

"I never say it's not normal, Rey. I just told you that Jae always feel like that. He must be feeling like that again if you go."

"I'm sure Jae is better than that."

"But he's kind of childish, you know?"

"He's not."

"He just not showing it to you."

Really?

"At least can you tell him about your leaving? I'm hoping a happy ending from both of you, really."

I look at Younghyun and really consider his advice. But there's other important thing I should make sure before I talk to Jae. 

-

  
I told Suzy and Ayeon about the news and we come to Yerin's place right away after I finish my lunch slash listened Younghyun defend Jae.

And just like the break up news isn't enough surprising us, the reason behind their break up that Yerin told us is more and more shocking.

"What?!" Ayeon shouts in disbelieve.

Me and Suzy still open my mouth wide, can't believe fully about what we just heard.

"I'm sorry if it ruin everything instead of helping. I just thinking it could help him realizing his feelings for you." Yerin looking at us one by one.

"But... it kind of true. He did realized it. But looong after." Ayeon telling a fact in so much sarcasm tone.

Yerin laugh, "I know, right? He was so slow."

"No wonder, he's inexperience." Ayeon giving out a fact and Yerin asking 'Really?' again and again to Ayeon.

"How about the program then?" Suzy staring at me in serious look but she's laughing after that.

I touch my head and messing my hair while Suzy and Ayeon explaining my exchange program to Yerin.

No. Canceling the program just because of Jae is not right. Of course dance should be on top of everything. Except my family. That's it, my exception is only my family.

"I still go." I said suddenly.

But after they commenting about this and that and Jae and my feelings and his feelings and everything that we've been through, I confuse again. I feel like I persuaded by them to not go. Why they want me to not go though? Even Suzy?

"But this is once in a lifetime experience, girls. Should I really giving it up for Jae? Really? I mean, really really?"

But they just shrug their shoulders.

"Ayeon, what if you get this opportunity? To go to Julliard, you can learn music from the most experts, experience things that all the great artists experienced before they got famous? Are you really giving it up for Jae?"

"Rey, please. You can't make that kind of comparison. I don't have feelings for Jae."

"Or Younghyun."

"Of course I will go to Julliard." Ayeon said firmly.

"That's what I mean! You can'y giving up your dream that easily, right?"

"Normal people will choose their dream, of course." Yerin said.

"Right, I'm still normal."

"What if Jae not interested in you anymore after you come back here? Or worse, what if he get that zing thing again to other girls?"

I growl.

"Should I talk to him first?"

"OF COURSE!" They answered together in unison.

-

 

"It wasn't me, she dumped me."

I smile to him, "I know. I talked to her already."

"What? I'm the one who get dumped but she's the first one who got comforted?"

Suddenly Younghyun words about childish Jae come to my mind.

"What should I do... to comfort you...?"

"Hug me?"

"Do you want a friendly hug or just hug?"

"Lover's hug?"

I smile, "You really bad, don't you know that?"

I stand up from the swing and walk to him who also sit on the swing beside me. This playground somehow become the comfortable place for us to talk, to confess, to clear things that bothering us all this time.

I come closer and circle my hands on his neck and hug him, with him still sitting on the swing. He give me a smile before lean his head on my body, and because of his height, this position isn't feel awkward at all. He then cirlce his hands around my waist, hugging me tighter.

It's rather comfortable. Still cold here because it's winter, but hugging him like this is comfortable, surprisingly.

"Honestly Jae, you're not look like a broken hearted, you seems fine. Why I should comforting a completely fine person?"

"Frankly speaking, I don't feel like I just broke up either. I kind of feel it coming somehow." He mumbling on my jacket then got silence for seconds. "Guess I didn't like her that much."

I respon him by touching the back of his head and stroking it. I feel him freezing? Because I don't feel him moving a little bit.

I stop my hand movement and move my body a little bit to look at him, "Are you cold?"

But he pull me back in place, "Cold, but good." Then he grip my waist and pull myself down until I sit on his lap. "Do it again." Now he put his face on my left shoulder showing me the back of his head, asking me to carres it again.

I do it again, stroking the back of his head. He must be like it because I feel he rest his head deeper between my shoulder and neck. I close my eyes, feeling his hair in every tip of my fingers. It feels so right. I want us to keep like this for awhile, and looks like he's not planning to move from this position any time soon.

"I'm so stupid. I could feel this all this time, but I'm just stupid."

"Yeah." And we might be losing this again tomorrow, for 6 months. "We both stupid."

He lift up his head and look at me, "So you like me all this time?"

"So I like you all this time."

"Why you never tell me?"

"I can ask you the same question."

"Let's stop talking about it then, doesn't matter anymore. This moment is all that matters."

"Mm hm." I'm smiling and we really, literally staring at each other right now, radiating affection from each other's eyes.

"So I can freely look at you like this from now on. Hug you all I want." He lean himself more to me, tighting his hugging on my waist.

"Touch you all I want." He move his right hand to touch my cheek, softly. His face close to mine.

"Kiss you..." He peck my lips, "...all I want."

I'm smiling again to him. His face still close to me, his forehead touch mine, and I feel this sudden overflowing feeling for him. I can't repress it. So I do something that might be the bravest thing I've ever did in my life.

I kiss him. Deep.

I hope he feel it, my feelings, my honesty, even my frustrating for him all this time. I hope he can understand too that even he's not always on top of my list, he still precious for me. And he's not just a guy who pass by me, or a guy who just fun to be hang out with.

He is this precious.

-


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will be in Jae's point of view first then switch later

**-Jae's PoV-**

 

I think I'm going insane.

The way Reyna kiss me just... touch everything in me. It's even better than that night. It's radiating something bigger from then. I don't know, maybe her true feelings of me? It's like all her feelings that had been repressed all this time are released, and being transfered to me. It's like I can even feel it touch my bone.

Touch the deepest part of my heart.

Insane.

And I kiss her back trying to match those feelings, tell her how much I like her, how much I want this all this time. No more holding back. She's mine and I'm hers from now on.

We're almost out of breath when we pull off of each other's lips, and we just staring at each other in silence for awhile.

"Crazy, isn't it?" I whisper quietly I think my voice shaking as an after effect.

"Magical."

I smile, couldn't agree more.

But then I see her eyes blinking a couple times and a glimpse of worry pass in it.

"I have to tell you something." Her expression change little by little. Instead of affection just like before, it's rather full of nervousness.

"Something's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, it's just..." She stand up, "Let's go to my house first." She takes my hand, pull me to stand up and walking me to my motorbike.

I feel something, but I can't quite tell what is it. One thing for sure, I feel uneasy. So I pray automatically the entire way to her house, even until I sit on a couch. Her facial expressions still unreadable, a mix of confuse, unsure, and nervous.

"You want to drink something?"

"What happened, Reyna? Can you just go to the point?"

"Okay, wait here." Then she disappear to her room.

Fast. She walk out then sit beside me on the couch, a paper is in her hand and she look at me before she hand it to me.

Acceptance Letter?

I read it fast. There's her name, student ID, and other identity, stated that she accepted to join exchange program to New York? Then there's period of the program and more information about the preparations that I can't read because I'm confused.

"What is this?" I asked her but somehow I already get it. She's going to leave.

"This is like what it's written on it."

"You're leaving?"

She nodded her head once, very quietly, very carefully, but firm.

I lift one corner of my mouth, looking at her in disbelieve. "When?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"What?" I nearly shouts, "It's starting again? Really, Reyna?"

"It's a good opportunity for every students..."

"You're leaving me." I know, I cut her words and act childish again, but I can't help it. "We just got back together, finally, but you're leaving me? And tomorrow? Why I just knowing it now? Who else know about this? Am I the only one that not knowing it?"

"Only Suzy and Ayeon knew. And Younghyun unintentionally."

"You're pushing me away again for dancing." I stand up and turn myself from her.

I shouldn't have said it. God, what did I just say? I shouldn't have said it.

"It's my dream, my goal, the reason I'm here. And a good opportunity just come to me. Only fools reject it." Her voice got higher. She's already upset to me.

She's right. She's completely right. But really? Can we just be together for awhile in peace? Can we enjoy this first?

"Then be a fool for once, can you?" I turn to look at her, feeling more upset. Damn I'm so childish I hate myself. But I don't want to lose.

Can she just put me first before dancing for once, really? So that this feeling of unsureness can go completely from me?

She open her mouth, shocked at my words, and I just realized that my words hurting her pride. "I'm sorry, Park Jaehyung, who do you think you are? Why you keep forbid me to do something to fulfill my dream? I thought you said you'd understand?" She stand up too, glaring at me annoyed.

"But can you thinking about me for once, really? Before anything else, before dancing, can you at least ask my opinion about it first?"

"For what? So that you could persuade me to not go and just be with you instead?"

"JUST be with me? JUST? It's easy for you, isn't it? Everything about me is easy for you. Dancing will always on top of everything, on top of me, right? You will always be over the heals for dancing. You can dance all you want here, Reyna, for God's sake."

It's a mess now. I can't control myself anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me, or what possess me right know. I surely will regret this later but now, I just want to win this argument with her. I want to be someone that comes first before everything else to her.

"You said it like dancing is a bad thing, you know? Don't you realize that you making fun of my dreams? Listen, there's nothing wrong with my dreams, as much as there's nothing wrong with the way I try to make it happen."

"This will be a never-ending issue between us, apparantly."

"Just say you don't want me to go." She look me in the eyes, "If you don't like the idea of me leaving, just say you don't want me to go instead of mocking my dream, really."

I lost for words, it's not what I meant. I never want to degradating her dream or something like that, I just feel so angry about it. It feels like I had been pushed away all this time, then I just got pushed away again one more time.

We got silence surprisingly, but the glare on her eyes still radiating annoyance, upset, anger, frustrations. I know there should be someone to concede defeat to fix this, but I just not ready yet. This egoism in me can't give in. I got pushed away too often, and I'm sick of it. I want to be with her, physically and everything. All of her completely just for myself.

"If you get the same opportunity for your dream Jae, I'm sure you will choose the same way. And I swear I will never intefere your decision. So can you just do the same for me?" She said with much calmer voice and I sensed her tiredness.

"I don't know Reyna, I'm not in your position, and I'm not sure I will really leave you even if I got the same opportunity. I like you too much. All I want to do right now is to be with you, spending every minute with you. I can still doing music here, it's not that different from anywhere else on earth."

She look at me in silence, seems like she really thinking my words and I hope that's enough to make her stay.

I take a deep sigh, "You still have time to rethink everything, I hope you understand why I want you to stay. And I swear, I never meant to discrediting your dreams. No, Reyna. You're beautiful when you're dancing, I fell for you right away. I fall still everytime you dance."

I walk to her, "Give me a chance."

I touch her shoulders with both of my hands  and kiss her forehead. Long. And without saying anything anymore I walk to the door. I leave.

With hope that she will change her mind.  
  


 

Of course I can't sleep. I'm trying, but all I did these past hours is just tossing and turning on my bed. And checking my phone every 15 minutes. Still no text from her, and I getting more and more anxious as the time goes by. If she still go after all I said to her, she really is something else. I might hate her for the rest of my life.

I give up to sleep when the dawn comes, still not a single text from her. Should I call her first? Then what should I say? Begging for the last time? Just like what I did yesterday wasn't embarassing and upsetting enough?

No, I won't persuade her no more. I did what I could, I said all I have to say, my part had done, now it's all up to her.

I try to distract myself by running. Since that night I suddenly kissed her, running has become my new friend, especially in the dawn like this. Strangely, I found comfort and peace everytime I'm doing it. And it kind of relaxes me, although the anxious and insecure still comes again after. But at least there's this tiny moment when my mind is not thinking everything at all. And that is the peacefulness I've been looking for all this time. It's only for a brief moment but I treasure it.

And there's still no text from her even after I clean myself. I prepare breakfast but I don't touch it a little bit until now. I just staring at my phone on the table for like 20 minutes already.

What time is her flight again? Is she already left? Why she's not telling me anything? And now I'm feeling much more anxious than before. I mean, my heart beats faster than before, and my intuition told me that she's still in her first decision.

I take a deep dissappoint sigh just right before my phone ring. But not from her, it's from Younghyun instead.

"What are you doing? Where are you?"

"Our house."

"Are you stupid? Don't you want to see her for the last time before she leaves?"

"Where are you?"

"Airport. Suzy and Ayeon are here. I thought you here already, but where are you again? Home?!"

I sigh, my heart is like dropping from it's place. "She's still go, then. She's leaving me after all."

Just like what I predicted. She is so mean.

"Don't you think this is really not the right time for that?"

"I hate her!"

"Stop being childish, at least for now. You'll regret it later."

"Whatever!"

I turn off the phone and get more upset and disappointed by it.

-

**-Reyna's PoV-**

It's still just them three even after the last call of my flight. Only Suzy, Ayeon, and Younghyun. Still no sign for Jae. Younghyun told me he called him an hour ago, but I don't know, maybe he really mad at me.

"He really not coming?" Suzy asked to no one particular, upset.

Ayeon just shaking her head to the left and right, can't believe what just happening.

"He's being childish in the wrong time, really. He'll regret it later for sure." Younghyun said still with his eyes looking far away to the entrance.

"It's my last call, guys." I said finally. I give up too. I give up hoping for him to come.

I'm not that sad or anything, it's just... is he really that mad? Is he really don't want to see me again? Is he really...

I sigh. I don't know anymore. I don't want to regret my decision either. Nothing, even him, can interfere my decision. I only leave for a semester though! Is he really can't bare doing long distance relationship just for a semester? Or is he already decided to hate me for the rest of his life?

Ugh, I hate how I still think about him even after what I did right now.

I finally walk pass through the boarding area after my final goodbye with them three. They hugged me one by one, saying many encouraging words, wishing me the best for my journey ahead. Can Jae do the same though?

God, why my mind keep going back to him? Ugh, I hate this. I want to go, I really want to go even if half of my reason isn't valid anymore. Yes, my half reason join this program back then was to get away from him, because I feel frustrated to go through life with him still close to me, I needed some space from him after what he did to me. But that reason just become invalid last night, I can easily cancel this.

But maybe my pride is too high to do that. Maybe I just proving myself that I chose this not just because of that one reason. Maybe I just proving myself that my biggest reason to do this is because I want to do it, not because I want to get away from Jae.

So yes I'm that kind of person.

And I hope Jae can learn something from this too, that he better not interfere someone's life or future like that, he should know where to stop. His words are not wrong, too. And yeah just like him, I really want to be with him and spending every minute with him, too. But that can be hold for the next semester. Right?

We can happily ever after then, right?

That surely will happen if he's not hate me that much right now and for the next 6 months. And now I can only pray for that. Nothing I can do other than praying for us to still feeling the same to each other next semester.

I sigh and pull out my phone and typing.

_I'm sorry Jae. But I want you to know that although you might never be the first thing of my list, although dancing is always comes first before everything in my life, you are not someone who just pass my life. You are more than that. I like you so much, too. I'll make it up to you after I come back, if you still want me the same. A semester will fly in a blink, you'll get busy with your study and music and your band, and everything else. I'll be going back to you then without you noticing._

I take a deep sigh once again and send it to him.

-


	20. Chapter 20

**-Jae's PoV-**

 

Everyone's blaming on me again, of course. But it's not as intense as before, so I try to forget it. I try to live my life like usual, like nothing happened, like her leaving isn't left deep scar on me.

I make myself busy, just like what she said in her last message. I make myself participate in many student activities this semester, I do music dilligently, I spend more times in my room or our band's practice room to practice or make music.

I still hang out with the other once or twice, we're not in the same class again with Suzy and Jackson, so it's a little hard to match our shedule, but we still do it. We hang out at weekend mostly, sometimes just eat dinner at curry restaurant, sometimes bowling, another time we just sit on the grass at the lake to catching up with each others.

Some of them meet more often, clubbing or going to karaoke room, but I always absent. Because I just don't feel like it. If they say I become introvert because of my acts recently, maybe they right. But everything is just doesn't feel right without her. It used to be three girls when we hang out, but now it's just two, and I always aware of that fact, and it still kind of hard for me to get used to it.

It makes me gloomy somehow.

We just past midterm but time still not fly in a blink to me. It never like what she said in her last message. Time move so slow for me, always. Even with this bunch of activities I throw myself into. I just succeed to stop remembering her when I was in the middle of those activities, but after that, my mind automatically wondering about her. It get worse when I close my eyes, because it's like I can clearly see her but can't touch or talk to her.

Is that hallucinating?

And I thought I will hate her when she left, but now, I miss her instead. I miss her so bad. Younghyun was right, I regret that I didn't show up at the airport to see her for the last time. I regret that I never wish her good luck or encourage her. I regret that I did that childish act and got mad at her even until she left.

But there's nothing I can do right now. I just keep living my life praying everyday for time to move faster because I'm tortured. And miserable. And I keep prevent myself to call her, bacause I know I'll be demanding more if I do that, I'll be hunger for more.

So I hold on.

And surprisingly I survived, because I still here with them to celebrating the end of finals. I don't know, this is become some kind of tradition for us, to gather in the last day of term.

"Cheer up, Jae. Finals' over." Wonpil said with his usual smiley face. Strange that he smiling a lot these days, and I feel attacked by that.

Because I rarely smile after she left. 

"Means Rey's comebaaaack!" Jackson shouts excitingly.

"So, when she will arrive?" Sungjin asked to the girls.

"Tomorrow night." Ayeon and Suzy answered in unison.

Another strange thing happened, it used to Suzy and Reyna who talk in unison, but now it became Suzy and Ayeon. And I have a feeling when Reyna rejoin the group, it will be three girls talking in unison. Maybe then Sungjin will teach them how to harmonize it later.

"So who will join us to welcome her at airport tomorrow?"

"Me!" Jackson is always the first one who get excited if we talk about Reyna, I don't know why. He respect her so much after her performance with Sungjin.

"We have practice, but I can give an exception for Jae." Sungjin smiling.

Then everyone's looking at me waiting my respon in such hopeful face. I know how much they frustrated of me all this time, so yes this should be stopped.

"I'll go, okay?"

Then most of them sigh in relieve.

"Of course I'll go." I said it more to myself.

"Don't say something stupid again, really. Please. I'm begging you." Ayeon pleaded her eyes on me.

"I'm tired too. I miss her too much to say something stupid about putting me before anything else. I'm done."

"There you go. So what if you're not comes first for her, as long as she treasure you as much as her first? That alone is already a blessing." Here comes another narration from brain of the band.

And yes, he already made a song about it. So does Ayeon. Ayeon's song is bop anyway, it's called Shouldn't Have, it's about things boys do to girls that girls think are just a false hope so boys shouldn't have done it in the first place. Brilliant, because I feel like her intention to create that song is to mocking me and makes me feel even more miserable and bad. But thanks to Younghyun who added a rap part in her song to voicing out boys point of view. It somehow comforting.

"Yeah, it's a blessing. Especially for a guy like you." Ayeon added Younghyun's narration.

Why they broke up again back then? Because I feel like they always good working as a team to verbal-bullying me.

"Elaborate 'a guy like me' part." I glaring at her.

"A weird coward stupid guy."

"I hate you."

"I know it already."

Seriously, I still don't understand how that mean brave words can come out of Ayeon's mouth so freely without filter a little bit. We're friends for a long time but that still surprised me because she always hit it right with her words.

"So tomorrow is your chance to completely change your image." Suzy stop my bickering with Ayeon. "Don't ruin it." Suzy added.

As much as I surprised with Ayeon, Suzy's threats are shocking too. And it has a really threatening feel from it, makes me can't do anything but obey it everytime she said it to me.

"I never want to ruin anything." I sigh because said it for many times already.

-

  
**-Reyna's PoV-**

 

"REEEEY! RIGHT HERE!"

I hear someone shouting from the crowd of people who waiting, so I turn my head and focusing my esyes trying to find the source. I look some movement in the back, then I see Jackson jumping up and down as his effort to make me see him.

I smile automatically and walking to him. Now I see Suzy and Ayeon too beside Jackson, so I moving myself faster. I nearly run to them in excitement. I miss them so much so we scream loud and do our thing to celebrate: hands on each others shoulders then jumping up and down excitedly in a circle. And we drown in our own world for awhile.

"Girls, when will you allow me to join your ceremonial?" Jackson asked while jumping up and down too around us.

"Oh my god, that's such a déjà vu!" I shouts happily to him and stop my movement.

I break the circle to face Jackson then he smile to me, and we hug and he give a pat on my back while saying 'Welcome back, Rey.'

"Thank you." I replied and we pull off.

"How's New York?"

My smile gets wider, "I have so much to tell you, let's find a place, I'll tell you everything. It's great, magnicifent, really a conquered jungle where dreams are made up, and it's..."

"And it have to wait." Suzy cuts me. "Because there's something more important first, Rey."

Then they looking at one direction in unison with an anticipating smile on their faces.

I follow their gaze and find Jae standing awkwardly in a corner, just looking at us from afar. My heart drops, because I've been hopeless for the past 6 months, but he's here.

He's here, looking at me, waiting for me.

I clear my throat and move to him. Another déjà vu. It's like when I approached him to partnered up with me in Music class. God, how that feels like yesterday.

But different from that time when he just waiting me came to him, this time he walking to me too. That little act makes me form a smile, and he give me that soft smile of him, and I feel what I felt in the first time I seeing it. A heart thumping, a hope of many things that will happen to us in the future.

We standing to each other then, facing each other with longing in our eyes. But then he smiles and open his arms, giving me an offering look. I smile in relieve and walk closer until I'm in his arms. He cirlce his arms around me so perfectly and I do the same, and I hide my face on his chest, feeling this hug. How I miss him so much.

So I say it, "I miss you, Jae." I try to pull off myself from the hug to see him but he don't want to let go, he hug me even more instead.

"I miss you too, Reyna. So much it hurts."

I heard "Awwww!" somewhere behind me from the others.

"Why you never call me or anything, then?" I move my head as another attempt to look at him. I want to see him, I miss him so much. "I'm waiting for it, though?" I'm whining and I don't care anymore.

I want to throw myself to him.

I feel like I'm gonna cry, though. I never expect this, I thought he still mad at me because he never reach me this past 6 months. I thought he found someone else so he never call me, not even once. I thought he really ended up everything about us, and forget me completely from his life.

"I feel like I'll distract you if I do that. And I feel like I will force you come back here if I do that. I feel like I couldn't control myself anymore." He look at me, "Why you're crying, my goodness, Reyna?" He finally pull off the hug and touch my cheek to wipe tears there.

"I'm not crying."

He show his wet thumbs to me.

I pout my lips looking at that, I can't believe my tears fall. But since it fall already, I just let it all fall down, I don't care anymore. And Jae laughing at that. I miss his honey-voice laugh.

"I really waiting for your call. You're so mean, I thought you still mad at me." I said in the middle of my crying, I must look so ugly right now. Really, a girl crying and trying to speak is damn ugly.

"I mad, but I miss you more. And I still want you the same." He wipe my tears again.

"Can you please hug me again?"

He look at me surprised, "Wow, Reyna, you've changed. Thanks to New York!" Then he hug me again, even caresses my head softly.  
  
"I'm sorry, Jae."

"No, I'm sorry."

"So we're good?"

"We're stronger."

"No more whining about put you over dancing?"

"I won't promised anything about that, because I feel like I surely do that again later, I can't help it. But I'm sure we'll overcome that just like we overcome this. Because we're much stronger now. 6 months without you makes me want you even more, and you come back to me now proving that you are the most certain thing to me. And because I gain that certainty already, there is nothing holding me back anymore. I like you all the way, Reyna."

"I like you too. You're precious, Jae. You're not number one but you're as precious. Don't ever think I push you aside anymore, really."

"Okay, sure. Show me everyday how precious I am to you. You said you'll make it up when you come back then do it everyday. Treasure me everyday, I'll do the same to you. Shower me with affection everyday, I'll do the same to you. Let's just do happy things from now on, and really... just talk everything out. Your curiosities, your concerns, your worries, everything. I'll do the same to you. It's better to talk about it than to wonder about it and make assumptions alone."

"How long you practice that line?"

He laugh and I can feel every part of his body vibrating because of that.

"You've changed too. In a good way." I said with my face still on his chest. This feels so right.

"Thank God, you come back."

I smile, "Thank God, you wait." I look at him.

He do the same and we're smiling to each other. He closing in and I'm anticipating it, his kiss.

But then Suzy cut it, "Don't do it here, please."

But Jae smile and snatch a peck from me, fast.

They all growling annoyed.

And I want more.

Later, okay.

"Let's go, curry waiting for us. The others can't wait to see Rey, too." Jackson said and take my luggage with him.

They walk already when me and Jae finally pull off of each other, but seems like we still don't want to be apart a little bit so I hold his hand. I'm the first one who reach his hand and hold it, he turn his head smiling to me because of that.

"Let me take that, Jackson." I said to Jackson about my luggage.

"It's okay, Rey. You guys probably busy holding hands."

"You right, Jack Jack." Jae reply happily.

"Jack Jack?"

"Stop calling me that, can you?"

"Yes, Jack Jack."

"Oh, I like that, though?"

"Not you too, Rey!"

"Jack Jack." Me, Suzy, and Ayeon said that together in unison.

I miss them so much. And yes, the other members too.

  
-

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought it will be this long, so I feel like I should end it here :')
> 
> Thank you for all of you who read it until here. Please left kudos if you like it, or comment if there's something off or if you have advice for the improvement of my writing. I really appreciate that :')


End file.
